Why so upset? Girls do it to guys as well and guys lose more when that happens.

this is what happen to me....

Just to share a 2cent of mine on this issue. Human sometimes cant be able to differentiate between love or lust. Is this love or is this lust ?

Well from my observation i think you still have a second though of your ex-gf. Its good to share everything with each other without hiding something but

sometimes it can be the other way round in-order to not make the partner worry or think too much.

Seriously sometimes when you have it you dont appreciate it but when you dont have it anymore you will regret. So think wisely on the consequences before

doing on something. I think when you have a good gf that treats you good and nice appreciate her dont wait till you lose her then only contemplate about it.

Well i would say what goes around comes around, its a cycle. Been there & tried it. cheers

agree on that!



same here

ur gf has been with u for 3 years. treasure her.
I understand man being man, u will get have temptations to want something new. Stand your grounds if you really love her. New toys always look good in the beginning. Crushes are temporary, love is permanent.

When she is gone, you will regret. You have a choice now. Be thankful. There are others who were never given a choice.

sorry for the very late reply...
before reply to anything... i would love type a little bit more essay. PLEASE SKIP this if u dun like... and PLEASE DO NOT REPLY if u skip this.

i join this new company on January2011. on 1st of January, i thought is a 1st day of new year, i should be with my gf. so i went to look for her, and she brought up an argument that very same/similar to the argument she brought up on my 2010 birthday which falls on November. 3rd of Jan is my 1st day of entering office, and i can remember clearly that particular week, i still very moody and unhappy with the argument that she brought up, which is suppose to be a small case. so base on this, i suppose the early stage of January 2011, im still love my gf and as for my colleague, she gave me a good impression, but i dont feel much special feeling towards her. and eventually me and my gf solve up the issue between us on 1st jan, and i've no clue how, but my feeling towards my colleague grows as well. so... does this count as crush? i wrote crush coz i thought it is easier to type and say... is this lust? it can be, but im unsure.

and i can understand i type bloody hell long essay. appreciate those who read it finish and giv constructive comments, and those who didnt read it finish and comment like they are mr.knows-everything/mr.love-doctor/mr.justice please just get a life, you don't have to reply here. just move on with your life, this is something happens everyday on the earth, and it is just that im the one type my problems out... if u feel like commenting, pls read it throughly before comment. else it is pretty pointless to read ur comments, u are just like a clown to me.

someone's reply here makes me feel that he/she is like been kena dump by his/her bf/gf always, thus keep saying things that seriously make me sickening and kinda obvious he/she is either nvr read up my story fully or he/she just fail to comprehends the story of mine... i might be right, and i might be wrong about him/she. but seriously, get a life... and move on, u don really have to reply here if u dun wan too. don hav to rant ur anger here even though my situation might be similar to someone put u into such miserable state over and over again...

also for those who said im a playboy, take my gf like a clothes etc, cincai say break with my gf easily, cincai dump my gf, etc etc... u might or might not read finish my story fully... but let me put it straight and clear... lets not talking about the fact that i had a crush on my colleague, the only biggest mistake i made is to tell her that i had a crush with another girl. i could handle the thing more maturely by hiding it from her and only tells her when i really make the decision. but maybe due to my low EQ, she kind of notice i had a problem and she asked me constantly, and i just told her honestly... it is not easy too for me to be honest to her. and if god put me back to the point when she asked me? i might really consider to hide from her... but with my character and attitude? i guess end of the day i still choose to tell her honestly. i just dont feel right to be with her and think of another girl. i feel the guilt just doing a bit of this. every individual has their own personality and characteristic, u might think choice of hiding from her is the right one. and yes, i think it should be the right way too, but sometimes each individual characteristic and personality takes into account too....
BUT the thing is, i never wanted to leave her. i chose her, in fact everytime she ask for break, i tried to patch back. i've no freaking clue why yall people think i take my gf like a clothes, im playboy etc... i can understand she asking break with me, im not saying she shouldnt say break with me. but with all the questions and things happens around (not sure if yall read it all on my topic), break, patch back, break patch back case keep repeating... her family misunderstood as she told her family only partly here and there. even when she say break to me, her family knows we 2 break, but they never know it is her that says break to me. etc... on the very last patch back, i just feel... emptiness. i dont feel a thing. i've no clue if i still love her or not at that point... and seriously, i just couldnt accept myself for thinking other girl when being with my gf. same goes to me, if my girl would think of other guy when being with me? i wont feel good either. so i guess ultimately, it is the guilt that makes me tell her honestly. and now im in much bigger guilt. u think leaving her been easy job for me? HELL NO, i feel the guilt too. but if being with her keep thinking others, it is totally pointless... different individual has different perspective. u can say im wrong, u can be right, can be wrong too. but sometimes things is just subjective. if yall still think im a play boy, i take girls like a clothes etc? just go ahead. she is my 2nd gf that i recognize and never i want to make it this way. neither do i see this gonna happen.



i can feel that u been through this similar phase too from ur reply. thanks for that... i guess i need some time to really decide. im seriously scared to hurt her for another time, thus chose to be single for now. thanks again bro. and yeah, it is tiring...



i never neglect my gf before... from the very 1st day, we memang never really date on weekdays. we only come out on weekends. and maybe some certain special days on weekday. but we do have sms every single day without a stop through out the 3 years relationship (except when some little arguments come)... and i actually do calls her every here and there for some quick chat...



god bless the couple. as for ur question, i've no clue as for now....
but ur last advise enlighten me. thanks...



personally i feel there is a chance that me and my colleague dont even able have a start. she might not even interested in me at all. i've no clue...
not that i willing to take the risk or not, i just feel so wrong to be with my gf and thinking bout others at the same time. is the guilt. i know i unable to handle this maturely. trying hard though... kinda naive in a way... i know.



u might be very harsh, and it is kinda sick to read this. but u do have a point and i do understand this. but sometimes the outcome do have to take one individual personality/characteristic into account.
and yes, i unable to handle this issue maturely in deed is my fault. thanks anyway....


no... i don think i hav that kind of feeling in this issue...
regarding ur perspective of marriage, it can be vary depends on individual. in my point of view, sometimes u don get to marry with people you love, but people that love you instead. sometimes you marry people due to responsibility, regardless accident pregnancy, long term relationship feeling guilt to leave etc... and also... most importantly at the late age of a human, people just need a companionship. someone that can talk, hav topic, able to live together happily will do... it can be vary...

appreciate for your suggestion. thanks a lot...


exactly what im thinking. but probably few days wouldnt be enough for me. im not sure... but thanks.


very inspiring and good metaphor...
thanks a lot bro... and thanks for taking your time to read. much appreciate it.



is the guilt make me let go. i don plan to pursuing my colleague at the moment. just being single for a period 1st. i've no clue where im heading now, lost of direction.
and this is 1st time while im in relationship, im attracted to someone else. in term of what im attracted, i've no clue. it just a feeling...
neither do i wan to do anymore harm/hurt to her. thanks a lot for the reply. much appreciate it.


i cant believe u finish it too. respect to you and thanks for the time you spent.
i do understand what u trying to say. but the guilt holds...

this is very entertaining.


that must be tough for you. hope you are doing good now.
until the moment im clearly know that i want her, i will. thanks...


im team leader, she is under me. i have to lead, guide, teach, and communicate with her...
in term of appearance, she is just okay. not super hot, not super sexy, in fact i find someone in the office prettier than her.
fantasizing happens when my gf says broke to me. me and my gf do have happy moments. thanks for the comments. even though u didnt read it all, but your reply do have some points.


never i think that it is worth to giv up. but it is just feeling wrong to hav such thinking when being with my gf...
and logically, yes, logically definitely i feel not worth to giv up. but seriously, follow my heart or logic?

yeah. trying to make it detail so people can judge better. sorry for being such a long story. im shocked too upon finish typing.
1- im unsure on that by now.
2- i guess so...
3- it's pretty hard...
4- i hate empty promises. but when i made up my mind clearly, i will. thanks.
5- cant, im team leader, she is under me. i have to lead, guide, teach, and communicate with her...


i guess so. being handled immaturely.


thanks for understanding bro. much appreciate it. respect for your speed reading too. notice u to be 1st to reply my topic in short period of time.


i cried for 1.5 month relationship too. sorry to let u know that im pussier than u thought. but that's me.
even when i break with my current gf, i cried too. im not sure due to guilt or due to i still love her. i guess it is guilt, but i srsly unsure.

and personally i dont think it is the time length that decide whether you should cry or not, it is how much heart you pour into the relationship determine should you cry or not.


my bad...


thanks bro. wish u all the best too...



i know... thanks... i need some time...



i've no clue where u get the idea that i think myself are great and cool for that particular reason.



being in a relationship is different from extending the relationship into marriage.
you can compare my 3 years relationship with others 7-10 years relationship before marriage. but if speaking of after marriage (since u talk about wife), i think it is incomparable. coz that is consider different stage. when it goes to different stage, it comes with bigger commitment and responsibility. after marriage, is 1 brand new stage. giving birth the child is another stage. rising the child is another stage. do something together with ur kids is another stage. when grows old, having a companion together is another stage probably last stage.

but again, im not saying you are wrong. i do understand what u trying to say. but probably just different individual point of view.


basic question that i unable to answer by now.


im sorry that people like me put you into such pain. trust me, i do feel your pain. im sorry...

i would love to say that u made the right choice to ask for break.
and im really glad that you 2 stay back together by now. may u 2 last forever and live happily ever after. god bless...

that's what im doing. thus i chose to be single and didnt plan to tell my colleague anything yet for now.


i do understand your point. thanks though...



u got the point there too...


you obviously know my gf. and i personally dont think u read all these long msg. but if you did, i guess you just cant think rationally.
but ultimately i think u didnt read it thoroughly. i already said that i wont tell my colleague anything yet, neither do i will in any short period of time. and now u ask me enjoy my new relationship. please dont make yourself looks like a clown.

wanted to ignore ur reply, but i notice that u know my gf. and you seems to be very one sided, which i dont find a big issue. but by saying if i still have conscience, please dont patch back? you sounds like trying to woo her now...
and your reply is the most naive among all. i guess u think that by saying how guy should love pamper etc stuff here, might giv her a better impression of you? so you can court her easier? seriously, grow up. you dont have to do this in forum.



im considering to be the f***er u said. yes, i feel the guilt, and partly that is what makes me wonder here... but of coz, i'll need to make sure even i patch back with her due to guiltiness, i have to giv her my best. else it will be meaningless.

im not sure is it lust... not yet.


thanks...

thanks for the advise.... i do understand the ball is round.



im not sure if this is consider temptation on new things... i srsly need some more time to really giv my mind clear of what i want.

This post has been edited by Valex: Feb 26 2011, 03:30 AM

This post has been edited by Valex: Feb 26 2011, 03:23 AM

Ts u mention u cried for 1.5 months now imagine yourself as your gf or ex gf being throw around and become an option how does she feel?. If you are that kind and soft person u wont even start this thread? Even after so many of us advice u already u still in choosing?

This post has been edited by RenuPlus: Feb 26 2011, 04:28 PM

you have done something that is not socially right or generally accepted to be right (since there's no right or wrong in love kinda bullshit) and yet you're constantly trying to find reasons to justify it yourself - hint: pushing the blame to girlfriend or ex now whichever that suits you, for bringing up small argument and hence new colleague comes in, good impression and all of a sudden a crush developed. hey, don't get too upset when people think of you the wrong way because you're painting yourself in the wrong way . what do u expect from people here? deciding for you? when u come in here posting a topic be ready to get trashed whether you like it or not and same goes to your relationship. you seriously look like a clown now considering you can be easily swayed and yet still able to cry over this relationship WHILE u can't decide whether to stay on with the girlfriend or not. what a messed up person you are.

sigh...TS, having read this long post of yours totally reminded me of my case...so similar as urs.. and now i completely understand why it happened (to me) back then..

As for an advice, i think u did the right thing.... there's already no turning back.. otherwise the cycle will keep repeating and both of you won't be happy

The red string between u and ur ex Gf have been cut.. The fate between you both is end... There is new destiny await you in front....

probably u are right... and yeah, im f***ing messed up now. wouldnt be posting here if im not. thanks for the comment.

as in under my shoe or under my ex-gf shoe?
im not sure if it is really no turning back, but if i would wanna turn back, i got to fix myself on my side 1st totally...

---

Added on February 27, 2011, 11:34 amlooking at ur avatar, it sounds like a fantasy movie dialogue... u might be right, might be wrong. idk.

This post has been edited by Valex: Feb 27 2011, 11:34 AM

i guess all the drama ends here.
we are both back together and we'll b getting better and better.
thanks for yall advises and concern. much appreciate it.

You better appreciate your GF now.

he definitely will

That's good news bro! but from what you replied on my comment;

im team leader, she is under me. i have to lead, guide, teach, and communicate with her...
in term of appearance, she is just okay. not super hot, not super sexy, in fact i find someone in the office prettier than her.
fantasizing happens when my gf says broke to me. me and my gf do have happy moments. thanks for the comments. even though u didnt read it all, but your reply do have some points.

It's time for you to put to a practice of professionalism. Do not favor on individuals when it comes to work, personal feelings and work should never be mixed up, try not to share any personal opinion or thoughts(not only ladies but cars, property, hobbies, interest or any other related topic on personal level - meaning no chit chatting other than work related matters). That's what i do and that's what i will always try to practice, though it's not easy.

*At times i might have to conduct training to customer/internal staff, whether pretty ugly fat or tall, i will still treat them the same way, well pretty might really interest guys but hey those are all about appearance. love and lust is 2 different thing. Avoid any personal comments or anything related which would show your interest/feeling towards a topic.

This post has been edited by kidmad: Feb 28 2011, 10:19 AM

thanks bro~~~

and also thanks for the advise. but i don really take any of my colleagues as colleagues. they are all friends to me. it is the kind of environment and culture that this company has all along and im glad i know all bunch of people here. i dont find myself superior than anyone here even though im the lead here, i myself learn something from them too. so... to me the title is just a title, other than carrying heavier responsibility for deadline and having better experience than others for guidance , im exactly same as the rest. (even my salary doesnt fit the title... TT^TT) even my general manager and other upper management also we do chit chat non-work related stuff, and i dont plan to change anything in that way.

but of coz, being professional and not favouring any individual in term of working is a must. knowing how to separate work(公事） and personal（私事） is a need too, which is what im doing all the while, regardless i had a crush on that particular colleague or not.
something i learn few couple weeks ago is that as i mixed too well with others, sometimes the staff tend to not so scared me... 爬我头啦。so at times, got to be serious and strict to them too. so far so good. the team is great. haha... but of coz im not saying your way is wrong, but i guess each people have their different way of handling and lead the team.

even ancient time, 刘备 and 曹操 are totally different type of leader in the same era.

This post has been edited by Valex: Feb 28 2011, 11:51 AM

good to hear that!

just wondering are you working as a quantity surveyor?

nop. aint a quantity surveyor here.