Thanks mate for the birthday wishes.

I just got into trance like 2 months ago and still lot's of stuff to learn and Virus TI is truly amazing but sadly, it cost a bom to buy one.

Btw, Trimix will be playing in QE2 club in Penang, 30th October. Those who are in Penang, do join us if you're free and will be great to meet up LYN musos.
Here's my take/comments.

The intro should start with only the bass drum v hihats and then, proceed to introduce other music elements before the full music section comes in.

1. Overall is pretty alrite but could use some drive or push to give the song some edge.
2. Selection of sounds need to improve.
3. Seperation of instruments are not there yet. Maybe this is a rough mix as it's sounding slight blunt?
4. Melody is not strong enough or so to say..not distinctive enough. Make the melody stand out more and memorable as well.
5. The drop needs to be more emphasized and the build up needs more dynamics.
6. Some instruments could use some sidechain like bass, strings, arpeggiated synth etc to help unclutter the clashing of sounds.
7. Could use cutoff filters to do some interesting transitions.

Hope this helps.   

Anyway, here's a preview track called Transit by TRIMIX: http://soundcloud.com/davidgary73/trimix-transit-preview

Cheers

Thanks for the birthday wishes and the birthday song mate. Cheers

I'll get straight to your questions.

1. do you mean using 'drive' ? like overdrive effect?
A: Not overdrive effects. It's more of the "Ummph" which your song is missing. Maybe because of the choice of sounds you're using that is not helping to give that push.
Maybe the best example would be to compare the kick sound from your tune and Transit track. As you can hear on the Transit track, the kick is punchy, solid and tight while on your track, the kick it's kinda blur and not punchy enough. So the choice of sound makes a great deal in making the song groovy and punchy as well hence you get the push or the drive.

2. could you elaborate more regarding the selection of sounds?
A:
a. Take example your kick, currently is is sounding pretty muddy. Try swapping it with a tighter, snapier kick sound. EQ with some highs.
b. Your bass sound could be fatter and rounder. May need to Eq some low freqs off. 
c. Try layering synths sounds as well. Stack the sound on top of each other. You can get some real nice sounds.
d. Eq will help your intruments to sound good as well.

3. compression is still one of the thing i need to master, probably that's the reason of 'blunt' and 'rough mix', i seriously need a guidance on this, and yes it consider a rough mix, as i spent weeks to create the melody and ect, and spent 1 hour to wrap it up in the end.
A: Ya..I reckon it was a rough mix as i can hear is not properly balance. Compression is one thing and mixing is another. Mxing takes time to learn and it's not easy. You need to listen to lot's of music reference. Listen to the sound used and the mix.

4. melody wise i will try to improve.
A: Make your melody simpler and yet memorable. This works for dance music in general.

5. yes, dropping and built up requires more punch, which i think i have to study more about it. almost all of my tracks lacks of the punch.
A: You may wanna take out the kick right before the drop hence it will leave room for you to bring it down gently. For build up, do a 16th note or 32th note kick build in with volume automation. You can use synth efx to build it as well.

6. at the time of producing that track, i still do not know how to use side chain yet. hahaha...
A; Just do some search via google on how to use sidechain compression in FL studio. Sidechain is a big thing or so to say, the "Holy grail technique" a must use technique in every dance music at the current dance trend.

7. while using cutoff in FL studio, it created a lot of clipping sounds, which one of the reasons i avoid using filters
A: You can use Eq plugins to do cutoff as well if your FL plugin filter in not helping you.

mind sharing what tools (hardware/software) do you use?

I'm on a Macpro, using Logic Pro 8, Motu UltraLite, Access Virus Ti Desktop and soft synths from Sylenth1, Spectrasonic Omnisphere, lot's of usage on ES2 logic plugins and rhythm sections are all wavefiles, no loops.