Canon owners
You appreciate the benefits of owning a camera system that leads in cutting-edge digital imaging technology and that offers a wealth of body, lens, and accessory options for every level of photographer, from lowly consumer to top professional. You will switch to Nikon.

Nikon owners
You appreciate the benefits of owning a camera system that leads in cutting-edge digital imaging technology and that offers a wealth of body, lens, and accessory options for every level of photographer, from lowly consumer to top professional. You will switch to Canon.

Sony owners
You believe that Sony's innovations in consumer electronics and video technology, its leadership in digital imaging chip production, its in-body image stabilization, and its use of Zeiss optics results in a unique design synergy and products of exceptional value-because that's what it says in the product literature. You also believe in astrology, UFOs and the Easter Bunny.

Pentax owners
You're the sort of person who would buy a $1500 DSLR body so your stash of thread-mount, K-mount and M-mount lenses from decades ago (collectively worth $75.00 at a flea market or yard sale) won't go to waste; either that, or you've never heard of a Spotmatic, Pentax LX or Takumar, you just think you look cool sporting a day-glo red camera that takes real pictures. You think people are laughing with you, not at you.

Olympus owners
You're the sort of person who buys North Korean beer, Peruvian underwear, and French cars, not  because you actually like them but because no one else does. When people question your choice of camera system you respond that Olympus images have a certain "soul" and that photographs are what matter, not the camera. You have no friends.

Leica owners
You know that no other camera other than a Hasselblad gains as much instant respect among the cognoscenti as a Leica. Although this relieves the pressure of demonstrating actual photographic prowess, it increases the need to be familiar with the subtle differences in visual signature between an Elmar, Elmarit, Summitar, Summicron, and Summilux. You are either stinking rich, living in your mother's basement, or one lens purchase away from a divorce.

Panasonic, Fuji, and Samsung owners should be relieved rather than offended that they were not included. Comments are welcome as long as they are civil. Extra points will be given for self-deprecation.