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 Relationship Joke v2

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kenny B
post Aug 28 2011, 10:59 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 28 2011, 06:06 PM)
A lamb chop is lying quietly in a stomach. All of a sudden something cold and wet lands on top of it.

"Hey! Who the f*ck are you?" says the vindaloo.

"I'm a double vodka," says the newcomer. "Steve just paid for me."

A few minutes later another downpour arrives.

"And who the f*ck are you?" says the chop.

"I'm a double vodka," says the latest newcomer. "Steve just got another round in."

This goes on for a while until the tenth double vodka gushes in and says Steve just bought it.

"You guys have made me curious," says the chop. "I'm going to take a look at this Steve guy myself."
*
brilliant one! thumbup.gif thumbup.gif

kenny B
post Feb 12 2012, 11:48 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Feb 10 2012, 02:02 PM)
My mum asked, "Lee, why do you lend everyone money even though they are not your friends?"

I replied, "Because I'm Loan Lee."
*
sad.gif
kenny B
post May 15 2012, 11:41 AM

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panties drop down
kenny B
post Mar 20 2013, 11:13 AM

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wth.. read all and got trolled
kenny B
post May 15 2013, 09:14 PM

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QUOTE(hizperion @ May 15 2013, 03:02 PM)
yeah i heard about the news, but i just googled mastectomy

ok

even tho i couldn't relate how the blame was on the genie
*
meaning the genie reduced jolies boobs instead to make it equal
kenny B
post Jul 5 2013, 11:49 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 5 2013, 10:46 AM)
Nelson Mandela has been clutching an unknown object very close to his chest since being admitted to hospital.

On closer inspection, it's now been identified as the watch given to him by Alex Ferguson.
*
kenny B
post Jun 17 2014, 10:17 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 11 2014, 09:25 AM)
My phone bill was huge this month.

A couple of weeks ago I rang in sick for my wife and her boss asked me what was wrong with her.
*
QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 12 2014, 09:35 AM)
I was forced to use a wheelchair for eighteen months after my road accident.

Then the compensation finally came through
*
dont get this both unsure.gif
kenny B
post Apr 13 2015, 05:02 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 13 2015, 12:46 PM)
First of all, - just for some background: My Mum died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's fucked up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.
Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie.

I don't want to go into too many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me- but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice. I probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home. (My dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it).

Sooo... I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home.

My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to fuck her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up- but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her... and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly.

After we left, we all went to crash with my Sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my Sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good looking guy- and even though she was my sister- I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.
Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government, so we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time.

My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think- but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up. I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started gives me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.

Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart... and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time- like I was totally over her.

But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I've ever fucking seen and it brought back all the old feelings. Sigh.

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can't say I was surprised.
But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party... my friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone.

It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.
*
damn plot twist laugh.gif
kenny B
post Apr 15 2016, 07:36 PM

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jokes heaven got spammed by the jokers... lil misfit pls post more :C
kenny B
post Jun 10 2016, 10:24 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 9 2016, 04:37 PM)
White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do...

They shoot each other in schools, because they have class.
*
fine one with two ways of interpretation. rclxms.gif

 

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