'Russell, u're getting old now *frown* and u're not married *more frown* y don't i find some nice girls for u huh?'

A guy was out for a jog one day and was heading along the side of a busy road.

A few minutes into his jog he came across a woman lying at the side of the road. She was in a bad way and it was obvious she had been in a road accident.

He checked her for ID and found that she only lived around the corner from where the accident had happened.

He quickly ran round to the house and banged frantically on the door.

The woman's husband answered the door and the jogger quickly said "sorry pal but your wife looks like she has been hit by a bus".

The husband replied "Aye I know, but she's got a lovely personality"!

er..?

dun get it... y would she expose to her husband that she is cheating on him ?

I have finally figured out why the Mrs is so fat. The shampoo she uses in the shower, that runs down her body clearly says, "for extra volume and body."

I'm going to recommend she uses dishwashing soap instead, it says, "dissolves oil that is otherwise difficult to remove."

I have finally figured out why the Mrs is so fat. The shampoo she uses in the shower, that runs down her body clearly says, "for extra volume and body."

I'm going to recommend she uses dishwashing soap instead, it says, "dissolves oil that is otherwise difficult to remove."

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not  realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man: 'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church for confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now.'

unbrainable

A Bloke met two girls down the pub last night who had strong Cardiff accents.
The bloke said, "I know that accent. You two ladies are from Scotland, aren't you?"

"Wales, you idiot," one of them replied.

"Sorry," He said, "You two whales are from Scotland, aren't you?"