A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he asks.

"I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet, and he's got no clothes on!"

He slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife. He rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the floor.

"You *******," says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack, and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"

This post has been edited by dadarouch: Aug 26 2013, 06:36 PM

She isn't so bright now, is she?

Well at least he can honestly say the kids aren't the brightest candles thanks to their mom.

Heck, this is a good one!

Exactly.

This post has been edited by aimank_88: Aug 27 2013, 02:44 AM

A woman gave birth to a boy and a girl at a hospital. Her husband, who has an acute sense of humour, named their children. The woman, a bit worried about what names her husband had given their children, asked him what he named them.
"Well," he said. "Our daughter's name is Sheena."
"Well, that sounds good." exclaimed the wife. "What's our son's name?".
He said, "Hee Kung"

mohon explanasi

Sheena - She Na. "Na" in Chinese means "female"

Hee Kung - He Kung. "Kung" in Chinese means "male"

oh. i see. tenkius

"Make sure you give that a good wash," winked my wife when I was in the shower.

She didn't need to tell me twice. Eager to please, I scrubbed the entire length and in every crevice until it was glistening and fresh.

Then as I walked into the bedroom she said, "Thanks love, you know I hate cleaning the bathroom."

I'm married - I'm under no f*cking illusions about anything.

My new neighbour just sneezed, so by instinct and good manners i said bless you............

She said thanks, but looked a little confused that her wardrobe was talking to her.

phail kaki sekodeng.

I thought buying the wife a sexy maid's outfit would improve things in the bedroom, but it hasn't made a bit of difference.


The place is still messy like hell.

I remembered my wedding anniversary today.

It was last week.

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.

However as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."

The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathrrom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.

Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours.

Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy b*tch."

Steven Gerrard, Raheem Sterling and Glen Johnson have all been ruled out of the England squad for Friday's match against Moldova.

The Liverpool trio are all said to be suffering from altitude sickness after spending more than 3 hours at the top of the Premier League.

this really cracks me up being a liverpool fan

Reposta!


1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance ...


The 5 stages of buying petrol

My daughter was screaming her head off in the pet shop, making a scene of herself today.

I told the clerk, "I need a pet for my daughter."

He said, "How about a Rottweiler?"

I said, "Aren't they violent?"

"Very," he replied, "but it'll look like an accident."

A blond woman goes to the hospital.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear,
they're the stickers off the bananas"

I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 7-year-old son wasn't actually mine.

She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.

I hate it when women turn the light off before having sex.

It makes it awfully difficult for me to see them through the window.