Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.


I don't think I can ever repay you.

Is longer than my marriage

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Jun 2 2017, 09:59 AM

What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?


An empty toilet paper roll.

My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me...

'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better.'


'Of course,' I replied, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'

A man phones work and says “Sorry, can’t come in today, I’m sick.”

The boss says “How sick are you?”

“Well…” the man replies “You be the judge – I’m in bed with my sister.”

I came home from the pub four hours late last night.

“Where the fuck have you been?” screamed my wife.

I said, “I’ve been playing poker with some blokes.”

“Playing poker with some blokes?” she repeated.

“Well, you can pack your bags and go!”

“So can you” I said, “This isn’t our house anymore.”

Dad : I just donated all your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Dad: So you'll have something to play with when i send you there.

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.

In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.

Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

It would be really funny if trees had breasts

Wooden tit?

Scientists have discovered exactly how much sleep an average person needs.


Just 5 minutes more.

My brother was so mean when I was a child.

He used to glue the pages of his porn magazines together so I couldn't look at them.

Why are gay men so well dressed?


They didnt spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.

A Georgian boy is getting married to a Russian girl and his dad teaches him how to behave on their first night:
"First, throw her on the bed to know that Georgia is power".
"Then take off your clothes for her to know that Georgia is beautiful".
And then grandpa adds: "Then sit down and masturbate, for her to know that Georgia is independent".

A psychiatrist finds a man lying by the road who has been robbed and beaten senseless.

The psychiatrist says, "My god, whoever did this needs help!"

Teacher: "What do you do after school?"

1st Student: "I go and buy weed from Yakobo."
2nd Student: "I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo."
3rd Student: "I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo."
4th Student: "I always stay at home and do my homework."

Teacher: "You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?"

4th Student: "Yakobo."

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I'll never forget the first time I ate pussy.

The police soon shut down that dodgy Vietnamese restaurant.

People say that children who play video games are more likely to have violent tendencies.

That's ridiculous!

That'd been like saying women seek out drama because they watch.... oh wai~

On a first date...

'I work with animals every day.'
'Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?'

'I’m a butcher...'

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet."

Abraham Lincoln, 1863.