im a nice guy...im a doormat D< WHY COULDNT I FIND THIS EARLIER!

it sucks a lot...time to get rid of this "nice guy" persona

More aware la...sometimes we dont even know were doing it D:

the problem with personalities like the "nice guy" is that women take advantage of it ... so I'm never surprised when I hear about situations like this and the guy is practically crying because of what she did.

you have to learn to accept things up to a certain point. you cannot just follow absolutely everything she says, because then you're sending her the message that she can do whatever she wants and you will just follow.

There are some things that you don't want to do or you just cannot accept her request to do something for her ... and you say so. Don't worship the ground she walks on. Feel lucky that she has chosen you, but don't become a doormat just because you think that is what makes her happy.

how is it a death trap?

you do what you believe is right for you... why are you worrying so much about what she MIGHT think? you're not a mind-reader, if she has something to say she should say it. Same applies to you.

those two sentences already contradict each other. You say it's not worrying about what she might think but you don't want to do something she might think is wrong ... you're gonna be one of those little b**** boyfriends aren't you? LOL!

unfortunately, those are rare.

there's always a right and a wrong, it's just definitions that differ. I think open marriages are wrong, but others think it's grey area or even right.

why would you wonder whether you're being you? are you that far gone into Doormat-dom?

"you have nothing to lose" applies to what you bring to the table in the relationship, not what you lose afterwards trying to make it work. What have you got to lose by getting into a relationship? You gain love, trust, commitment, money is a trivial matter (as long as she's not a gold digger) ... what do you lose really?

I admire people who treat every relationship they get into like it's the last one .. but you have to have your head on your shoulders too. You can't sit and wonder if she was the one and that you'll never find someone like her again, because that is utter bullshit.

I don't believe in soulmates, I don't think they exist at all because of the fact that the whole idea is so very selfish. You can be with whoever you want to be, if both sides can love, trust, commit and compromise.

then she wasn't right for you in the first place.

this is why I posted the article. People in CC like to call me a b**** who doesn't know what she's talking about (I don't know everything, but I sure know something) and that I'm really harsh with people who start threads in here. Why?

Because if you tell them flowery things about how the other person is wrong and all that, they will NEVER learn! Everybody who has commented in this thread has related somewhat to what has been said and some have even realized the type of person they are and now want to be different than the "nice guys" portrayed in the article!

So many of you are afraid of losing your partners ... jealousies abound and people constantly controlling what their partners do just to attempt to eliminate the possibility that their partner might leave them. Why? If they leave you, they weren't worth being with anyway!

I know it's difficult for people to see that ... but the main reason why they take such a long time to get over the past is because they keep hanging on to it!

This part is easy:
Be Yourself

To elaborate, be a human being, not a machine that follows orders absolutely, or be someone who just awkwardly follows at times but doesnt follow at others without a real pattern.

If she demands or asks for something, if you like it or dont mind it, do it, if you dont, then dont. Really simple, She will learn your preferences through this and formulate a "human being" in her head of you, same applies vice versa. Do take note, there is a fine line between you want to, you do not mind, and you do not like <== you need to know to differentiate between the 3, most especially between you don't mind and you don't like. You want to be nice? sure, go for it, just always keep this in mind:

If you are being 'nice' by doing something you do not like, stop for a moment and think, would you like to do this for the next 10 years or so? if not, and you're still 'doormatting' your way around her, you're doing something wrong. <=== im not saying that if she asks you to do something and you feel lazy to do it, you should just turn her down all the time; Its more of a balance than anything else; but what most 'nice guys' tend to fall for is over-commitment which gives the 'doormat' image.

Obviously there are always exceptions to any rule, you're old enough to make your own decisions, so everything is up to you in the end =p