Hi,

I have had some friend or people surrounding me that have babies and kids. I can see the trend of young parents nowadays are very careful with their child.

Let's take one of this friend I have for example. On her first child, she is really kiasu with everything. Any negative things she hear from a friend, she will avoid. Like example, drinking coffee is not good for the child..she like coffee but during her pregnancy did not drink a SINGLE DROP. Compared to someone else who drank liquor and smoke during pregnancy and baby came out fine. Even during breastfeeding years, she did not drink any coffee.

Another example is shaving baby's hair. Normally, a lot of parents shave their baby's hair because those inborn hair are ugly and scarce. I know chinese and indians have the tradition of shaving baby's hair. But this friend heard about other friend's baby hair not growing after shaving until like 3-4 years old. So, she so scared that she refuse to shave the baby's hair despite it look ugly. Looks like those people with hairloss problem. Well, if you research properly, the hair growth is just depends on the baby or toddler itself. It will eventually grow and shaving them or not does not cause it not to grow. But you know...kiasu mom want's THE BEST for the child.

So I am asking you parents, are you really that kiasu when it comes to your child? Such that you cannot think straight and fear this and fear that?

Why do you want to hear all those horror stories from a friend and then being so scared about them?

Personally, I think there should be a balance between protecting your child and letting them to their own devices. You cannot be there forever with your child. You must eventually let them face the outside world alone. Doing too much precautionary will only make it worst when your child need to face the real world. And fearing about every horror stories that come your way is just too much. You were given education and wisdom. Use them wisely instead of doing things like a robot programmed to only give BEST to the child.

Bro,

From the way you put it, I can be sure you are yet PARENT yourself

New parent here myself, that I can understand how your friends feel.

But things like coffee, alcohol & smoking are definitely high risk to babies or fetus if they are still inside

Thus what she is doing are just basic human instinct as a mother, that she protects her child/children in a very natural way

But when breast feeding, the right timing in taking coffee/alcohol are possible, but are still best avoided, when you learn more in preparing having your own Child

However, I agree that there are parents who are over doing it in the kids' day to day life in their growing stage, especially over protecting, that would at the end spoil the child in many aspect.

Kiasu or not, that is really subjective

Too bad. My parents are hyper overprotective. But not to that extent

one day abubin will have a child with unhealthy state... then don't blame because not pantang..

How is that consider kiasu?
We do what is best for the baby. Not other way round.

I did a lot of things that made people cringe during my pregnancy, so I'm not gonna share them here

I believe like all things in life, perfection is overrated. I dont strive to be a perfect wife, a perfect mother or a perfect person - I believe in letting go of certain things (like letting my husband pick the colour of my daughter's clothes - he picked a lot of blues.., enjoying a cuppa or two during pregnancy) and standing guard of the things I do believe strongly (like fully breastfeeding my child till 6 months at all cost).

I dont believe in living with extreme fear. But that's just me

I am not asking you to like ignore the safety precautions. Just realize that you are sometimes overdoing things. Even for some, extreme protection of the child is normal. So they are actually not realizing they are overdoing things.

Please do not ASSUME I have kids or not. That is not the issue of debate here.

I know smoking or coffee is bad for fetus growing in the womb but not doing it at ALL? I remembered now..the friend even avoided drinking COLD drinks. To that extend..common...use your common sense.

Anyone who smoke or drank caffeine during pregnancy...please comment...

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Added on October 6, 2010, 12:21 pmDon't you realize what you THINK best for the child may not be the BEST?

Your parents used old school method to teach you as a child, they are also doing the BEST for you. Are you going to use the same method on your child?

This post has been edited by abubin: Oct 6 2010, 12:21 PM

What is BEST and what one think is BEST can be different. For some, that's the BEST they can do while other might think they are over protective. For some, while they thought they are doing the BEST they can but other might they they are careless.

I merely reply to your original post where you mentioning someone who drink alcohol during pregnancy. Well, it might be harmless 95% of the time, but there's still 5% risk, so why take it? It is only *that* long. Is alcohol is a must? I don't think so. Coffee on the other hand, is ok with me, as long as it is not the only drink my wife had the whole day.

Here is a quote from a website: http://www.epigee.org/pregnancy/caffeine.html
Caffeine in coffee cause miscarriage. Think of the possibility of miscarriage after fifth month. It is very low already. Even with one cup of coffee like every week. That is much safer than crossing the road in pedestrian crossing green light. But now...you want BEST for your child. So...everytime your child cross the road..you will be worried sick. Stress like hell. However, you are FORCED to let go because you know, you cannot be with your child FOREVER and hold their hand to cross the road forever. You are giving yourself unnecessary stress and the people around you. Yelling and scolding them for not wanting the BEST for your child.

There are a lot of causes of miscarriage. Just because the mother was drinking coffee, it's convenient to blame the coffee

I dont know of anyone drinking more than 8 cups of coffee a day too, pregnant or not.

Kiasu parenting for me is this case of a friend I have.

After a lot of oooh-ing and aaah-ing, they finally decided to send their son to Maths tuition. Because if he cannot be an 'A' Maths student later in life, they feel it's their fault for not sending him in the first place. So better safe than sorry. They are lining up other classes too in the near future.

Their son, is one year and four months old. Whoopie.

As a first time parent, of course you tend to be overprotective, a little bit. I have a 2 year old. We try not to hover around him too much at home. We send him to a kindergarten where we hope he learns how to socialise. Letting go isn't easy. It wasn't easy for my parents (and I questioned the hell out of them for that) and only now can I see how difficult it is for me.

I tend to agree avoiding cold drinks, drinking nothing but tomato juice etc etc to me is superstition. As for other substances like nicotine, tar, coffee and alcohol, I believe there's a reason doctors tend to advise against it. Note that I said doctors, not "friends". I tend to refer to doctors instead of friends unless they're also very knowledgeable (which most people aren't, even tho they may be well meaning).

For example: friends cautioned me against the danger of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). The resident gynae at the hospital said he had never come across a single case, and mentioned that most times the greatest enemy of an infant is the grandparents LOL.

So all in all, a little common sense goes a long way. If you feel that that stick of cigarette or shot of tequila is worth the possible risk to the infant, then go ahead. No one is putting a gun to your head either way.

I did... once.....

During meetings(8am-6pm)... its freaking cold and the only nice to drink beverages served was hot coffee

Lol...did you piss coffee? The most I have is 3 cups per day..but this is guys speaking.

Any gals or pregnant lady out there can post some experience?

I did coffee, Coke, instant noodles during pregnancy. A cup of coffee twice a week, a glass of Coke twice a week, instant noodles as needed (like twice a month)

But..

I also ran a half marathon, did the Menara KL towerthon and many other races whilst being pregnant.

You can judge me all you want, but it's not like I care

Some people dun care about life whilst others are protective about it. Each of us have different level of tolerance. Whilst some expecting mother who are heavy caffeine drinker are able to have healthy babies, many other are not so lucky.

Good education plays a very important part in being a parent, unfortunately many dun have such education.

This post has been edited by DarkNite: Oct 7 2010, 01:51 PM

Kesian the son.. so young ady hv to go through all this.. when grown up they only remember their childhood life is abt study, study n study..

I rather let my children growing up in "kampung" area..

Hah..I would like judge you....but I absolutely salute you for daring to beat the taboo. This is the kinda girl I am talking about. Not those stupid kiasu parents. Absolutely fabulous.

I am sure you will turn out to be a good parent. Who do things according to common sense and not hearsay. The child will have a role model who will grow up to know how to thing for himself/herself and not following the herd type.

Why thank you sir. I believe that knowledge is power

I'm wondering if Chinese moms questioned the rationale of drinking wine for 'heat' during confinement. That's a lot more detrimental to your baby's health if you're breastfeeding. Or Malay moms having to resort to eating a lot of ikan kering - that's truckload of sodium right there.

why do you say that?