if i have a kid one day. I don't want to teach them like my parent did. I want to be cool dad and want to make my kid as best friend. I want to give them freedom to choose what they want to do in life.

This helps me to know them better.

My parent style: that one can not, this one can not. only have to follow what they planned. No freedom.

What do you think?

The style you mentioned is ang mo style... Like Russel Peter mentioned sarcastically.....

all the parents beat their kids.. Indian, Chinese, Black etc.. but the whie never beat their kids... when the parents get angry, the kids say.. F*** you... and the parents say.. What I`m gonna do with this kid?

I think you need to wait until you have kids of your own. Then you can cross that bridge.

My personal opinion, parents should have certain amount of authority and control over their kids. Unfortunately, it is very hard to both be a friend and the police to someone. It is difficult, not impossible. And also, much as we'd like to escape our parents' parenting style, I think some aspect of it will still be evident in our own parenting style.

I've been giving this some thought as I'm due to be a dad in 6 months.

As much as I would like to be my kid's best friend, I doubt sending him to his room would be an effective solution every time he does something wrong. My dad was the typical Asian parent, and I don't think I turned out too bad. Asian kids tend to have more respect for their parents and authority as compared to Caucasian kids, which isn't a bad thing.

although i dont have a child yet, nor am i married,
i think that our own upbringing affects the way we raise the child.
of course it might not be true to all cases,
but usually, people will treat their child just like how they are treated when they were a child themselves.
just my thoughts.

Kids must be control, if you let them, when they bigger you will feel sorry and that time we cannot do anything.
But must be smart on to how control your childs. Should have give and take whatever we do with them.

my parents both have different parenting styles. my mum , ''KIDS FIRST NO MATTER WHAT'' type, spoon feed me and my other 3 siblings , overprotective, although im no longer a little kid but she doesn't seem to be letting go of me, still restricts my freedom and so on. im the eldest among 4 of us. and i can see that she is trying to let go but still being very overprotective :/ cool mum tho, she loves IT so we usually get iPods and Alienwares for christmas ) on the other hand, my dad is the '' i care but i dont wana show it'' type. he acts like he doesn't care but ends up stalking / spying on us behind our back. maybe its his ego? haha. whenever we say i love you he will just nod. his the typical not so strict type. he doesn't use violence on us ever before. he prefer talking and understanding us and explain our mistake and all. my mum would just jump to conclusions and blame :/ i love my parents alot i feel a mixture of 2 types of parent is a good idea

sounds like my parents. Even now, I'm a mother with one son, my parents still not letting me go. Now when I went back parents house, I go home late, my dad will start calling me already. Last time, he will very cool type. but now he is old.. He will always say he care about me and send text messages ending with I love you, be strong. I love them very much

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

Ehm., of course I dun have the heart to beat lah.., just that there are times, I need to show my kids who is in authority at home, else, they will walk all over me, summore now my kids are so opinionated.

Congratulatons. I think you will eventually find a balance.

The Dr. Spock method did not work. White had began to questione it. This is what happens when Asians apply the same method.

yes, i agree you still need to control your kids in a certain way. The western method of totally letting them roam free is not so good either.

taranjit,

Parenting is a lot more complicated than that. Parent needs to be tough when it is needed. Ditto, parent needs to be soft when it is needed. Furthermore, all children are different. They have different personality type and they do change through time.

My kids are 14 and 15. I had baby sat my nephews nieces since 30+ years ago.

Freedom without responsibility does not work.

Dreamer

Folks,

I am going to say something that you probably will only understand after 10 to 15 years.

It is VERY EASY and VERY HARD to be a good parent.

One of the KEY is are you a GOOD PERSON??

Children LEARN MORE from observing what you DO versus what you SAY.

If you get into a car and fasten your seat belt every time, it is EASY to ask your kids to do the same. But, if you do not do this all the time, they will not follow your order to fasten seat belt. Ditto on many many other subjects.

If you are NOT hard working aka "curi tulang", how could you convince your kids to work hard???

YOU are the ROLE MODEL. You have to earn the CREDIBILITY to convince your children. They see and observe YOU everyday. So, they LEARN from YOU by your action and inaction.

Be a GOOD PERSON is a one of the key.

Dreamer

P.S.: If you are a smoker, please give up smoking or else do not be a parent.

A) How could you convince your children not to smoke if you are smoking??

B) If you do not care about your health, how could YOU take care of your children??

C) How about second hand smoking effect on your family??

My father died of lung cancer at 49. He was a smoker. My mother had to raise 6 children on her own.

This post has been edited by dreamer101: Oct 12 2010, 10:48 PM

Dreamer101,

True to the point... kudos.... How many offsprings do you have

Awakened_Angel,

See my previous post. They are 14 & 15. Aka, 2.

Dreamer

Dreamer101,

SO, one of them just finished PMR today? Same age as my brother.

I recently saw a family in Times Square where both the parents were smoking in front of their kids which were like less than 10 years old.

Once, my son who's asthmatic, had a cough. The loose, phlegmy sort of cough. We were taking him to his paed, for check-up and see if he needs the neb. When walking towards the clinic, we passed by this family, father, mother, 2 girls. My son, coughing away, caught the father's attention. He said snidely, something along the lines of, how could any parent let a child have a cough like that and do nothing. Wanna guess what he's doing? Smoking. In front of his family. So there.

What`s the big deal? this is what I have witnessed.....

1) daddy was smoking in car with mother beside cuddling an infant with mirrors closed
2) family gathering whereby 9 out of 10 peoples were smoking infront of a toddler

P/S i do not care how many packet of cigarette that you smole perday.. please... be considerate LAA

Auroraa - think your parent are playing the good cop & bad cop role.
Most Asian parent play some resemblance role - father who is the discipline master and mother who is the comforter or the reversal.

i like what you've written. i had become a mom since last year and finally realized it's not easy to be a good parent. i feel bad when i recall how rebellious i was during adolescent period. the good thing is, my parents never give up on me... really appreciate this

me too i also become a mother last year.i feel so bad for being such rebellious daughter to my mother i feel so sorry for her.when i was pregnant she didnt even ask me to abort the baby she was mad but she said 1 thing to me that i cant never forget she said"no matter what i will be there"

Mothering is a noble, sometimes thankless task, worthy of nothing less than the best. It's not a day's job or Monday to Friday job. It's 365 days responsibility and mind you there's no vacation or sabbatical leaves. My daughter is just one year old++ and I love it when she's awake in the morning, trying to wriggle in between me and my wife. She's just playful as the way she is and it just melts my heart away.

I do think back how I was brought up. My father is a strict and education-emphasis person and of course, it came with caning, belting and the most dreadful is kneeling down facing Teh Chu Kong (God of Earth) until the joss-stick burns out. You just can't help it but think back, do I want to meted out such punishment as a form of discipline in the future to my daughter? Up-bringing a child is not easy as it seems and sometimes it hurts more when I think I have not always done well in giving my daughter wings.

@pigglet

Here's something for sharing: The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. By Honoré de Balzac

Regards, Joey

This post has been edited by Joey Christensen: Mar 19 2011, 10:44 AM

Joey,

I would not say that. At the minimum, the mother had full control of the household and the children. Aka, the environment that she worked in. And, she have the FLEXIBILITY of deciding what to do and when to do. She is her own boss. Now, compare to the FATHER that had to put up with all those BS at work and follow orders.

What kind of thanks does he get?

At the extreme,

1) Put up with BS just to support the household.

2) No time to spend with children. The children hardly know him and appreciate his works.

3) Die early because of all the stresses...

My father generation had a life expectancy of 55 years. They do not get to retire...

No, not all fathers are upper income and have a rewarding career.

Dreamer

nice discussion, being a parent just 1 year ago taught me alot of things

Folks,

My theory in parenting is proven by an economist...

http://steves2cents.blogspot.com/2005/05/f...-parenting.html

<< The Freakonomics Take on Parenting
Stephen J. Dubner and Steven D. Levitt, the authors of Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything, have written in USA Today:

The most interesting conclusion here is one that many modern parents may find disturbing: Parenting technique is highly overrated. When it comes to early test scores, it's not so much what you do as a parent, it's who you are.>>


Dreamer