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Wenger's words of wisdom

When Barcelona target Cesc Fabregas determinedly tramped into Arsene Wenger's office this week to demand that Arsenal allow him to return to his boyhood club, few expected he would emerge profoundly moved by the experience.

"It is probably the greatest conversation I have had with someone in my life," Cesc declared. A statement that left the rest of us wondering just exactly what the silver-tongued Gunners boss might have said to his protege and slightly jealous that we weren't invited to such a momentous event.

Luckily, this column has its grubby little fingers in many pies and can exclusively reveal that Wenger's mind trick went something like this:

Fabregas: I'm off!

Wenger: There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy... er... I mean football.

Fabregas: I'll never join you!

Wenger: If you only knew the power of the Arsenal. Pat Rice never told you what happened to your father.

Fabregas: He told me enough.

Wenger: I am your father.

Fabregas: No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!

Wenger: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Or something like that anyway.