Apr 27 2010, 01:46 PM, updated 16y ago
An intensive, extensive A-Z guide to the best sex you'll ever have
A is for arousal
Couples often end up in conflict about sex because they don’t understand where the other is coming from. And while there are a few things that you can bet will turn you both on initially, it takes a lot more talking to perfect your lovemaking.
Sex is about sensuality, and good sex can embrace all the senses, not just touch. Scented oil for a massage (don't leave oil on a latex condom as this can damage it), music and candles for soft lighting can all be erotic, as well as listening to your partner’s breathing and the sounds that they make.
Aphrodisiacs
Food can spice up love-making. Include plenty of suggestively shaped nibbles you have to eat with your fingers like asparagus and artichokes and add a little luxury with strawberries and, of course, chocolate.
Blindfold
Sexual pleasure has many dimensions, but the most important sexual organ we have is our brain. When one sense is hindered, our other senses (via the brain) clamour to compensate. For example, a deaf person has increased sensory awareness, sight, smell, touch, and vibrations.
Blindfolding your partner increases their sensory awareness. They don’t know where you are or what you are going to do next. This creates anticipation for better sex; the tease. Tease them mercilessly with sensory objects, such as a feather or your tongue. Start off softly, as this excites the nerve endings and makes them far more sensitive.
C is for clitoris
Some people know that the clitoris is the analogue organ to the penis in a man. It is the seat of the nerve sensations known as orgasm. Most women achieve orgasm through friction of the clitoris against the man's pubic bone while engaged in intercourse or through stimulation of the clitoris by manual or oral contact.
The clitorisl is highly sensitive, containing 8,000 nerve endings, double the nerve endings as the organ in males and the most sensitive erogenous zone of a woman and stimulation will lead to orgasm.
Celibacy
Almost all men and women are celibate or abstain from sex at some stage in their lives, whether it is choice is a different matter! It can be a positive way of dealing with sexuality, body, mind, spirit and sexual health. Sexual energy can be channelled into creative, physical or intellectual activities.
The real issue with celibacy is it's a person’s choice and that choice should be based on factual understanding of the options. For many, celibacy is based on guilt founded in religious teachings.
D is for dominate
Tell him he's been a very naughty boy and must be punished. A light spanking will add to the fantasy!
Dirty talk
Talking dirty has turned people on for millennia and will continue to do so because it has something other sex play doesn’t: words. Because our brains are our largest sexual apparatus, we respond to the spoken word automatically, especially when someone says our name. The spoken word evokes emotions, sensations and blood flow to various regions, depending on the topic.
There is no need to be too crude though.
E is for erogenous zone
Everyone knows the different erogenous zones on the body right? Wrong! The dictionary defines erogenous as sexually sensitive or arousing and for everyone this is different. Some men like their nipples played with, others think it just tickles. Some women like their earlobes nuzzled while others feel like they are being, kissed, by a Labrador. The point is to take the time to learn the E-Zone of your particular partner and turn each other on.
F is for foreplay
Foreplay is an important part of sex and plays an essential role in preparing the body and the mind/emotions to move through the phases of the sexual response cycle in preparation for orgasm.
Touch is a key element of foreplay because the surface of the body is covered with many receptor cells (nerve endings) that transmit pleasurable sensations to the brain. Some parts of the body, particularly the clitoris, penis, nipples, fingertips, palms, lips, tongues, and soles of the feet have more densely packed nerve endings.
Fantasy
Everyone has unique fantasies, tastes and preferences when it comes to sex. From earlobes to ankles, hairline to hips, pirates to picnics, don’t be afraid to talk about them. If you and your partner know about each other’s turn-ons, you can make the most of them.
G is for G-spot
The G spot is a small region in the vagina that, if stimulated, can produce wildly intense orgasms, or so the popular claim goes. It does exist, but some are luckier than others and it is unclear why so many women should be unable to have orgasms during penetrative sex, but are able to have them by self stimulation.
The G-spot is a bean shaped mass of nerve tissue located halfway between the back of the pubic bone and the top of the cervix. The size and location may vary from woman to woman, but it is usually about the size of 10 cent coin and lies two to three inches inside the vagina directly behind the pubic bone and can be stimulated with a ‘come hither’ motion.
Games
Get a pack of cards and play strip poker for better sex. It may seem like something you would have done when you were in high school (given the opportunity), but adult strip poker is a good way to get naked. Once you are both naked (or nearly naked), you can start on the really fun part.
Try to be creative and introduce something different that the both of you wouldn’t normally do. A suggestion would be to read each other some erotic stories to each other and then try out what you have read. You may find that you both have the same fantasy but have been too timid to bring it up, and it is a good way to find out what you both like and dislike.
H is for hot sex
Really satisfying sex is not easy. It's a learned response and takes patience, practice, willingness to learn, and above all, communication. So explore the alternatives, and enjoy the opportunity for the two of you to communicate about what you both enjoy, and how you both like to be touched!
Finding out just where and how your partner likes to be touched and letting them know what you like is a delightful part of getting to know each other.
HIV
Human Immune-deficiency Virus. It is a virus that lives in human blood. There is no cure for it, once someone is infected with HIV, they will always have it. It can be passed on through unprotected sex (not using a condom). HIV can progress into AIDS.
I is for intimacy
It’s tricky; on one hand you want that comfortable lovemaking, but on the other, you long for the excitement of the chase. Regaining spark means getting the balance right. It can be difficult, but it helps to put some of the mystery back.
People think being intimate means you have to be possessive and tell your partner everything, but that can be a passion-killer. Getting it right is about trust and finding love that suits your style.
Ice cubes
Take an ice cube and run it over sensitive spots, like his nipples, lower stomach and inner thighs. Follow each stroke with hot breath on the area, letting your lips graze his skin.
J is for jogging
Exercise stimulates testosterone, the sex hormone. And being fit makes you feel better about your body too. Try cardio exercises like running, which boosts the blood flow to your organs and the oxygen carrying capacity of all your muscles. Slower exercise such as yoga is good too, especially for releasing tension in key areas that may be inhibiting your arousal.
K is for Karma Sutra
Try new positions as the angle of penetration can alter sexual stimulation. A lot of people think that it's just about sex, but that's not entirely true. The Karma Sutra is made up of seven sections but only the second, called 'On Sexual Union', features the many different sexual positions. It is illustrated with drawings to show couples different ways of having sex, oral techniques and also less popular advice on biting and scratching your partner!
Despite it being centuries old, the Karma Sutra still plays a part in modern-day relationships. The original Karma Sutra sees women as objects rather than equals but all the positions are still designed to give both parties pleasure.
Kegel exercises
Kegel exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which support the uterus, bladder and bowel. If you do Kegel exercises regularly and keep your pelvic floor muscles toned, you not only reduce your risk of incontinence and similar problems as you get older, but it can enhance your sex life too.
L is for lubricant
Sexual lubrication refers to the process that occurs within ten to thirty seconds when a woman becomes sexually aroused in which the vascular engorgement of the tissues that lie beneath the vaginal wall produce a vaginal lubrication on the inner walls of the vagina. It can result from physical stimulation during foreplay or sexual fantasies you have in your head.
Women vary considerably in the quantity of lubricating fluid that is produced, with some women experiencing a type of sexual dysfunction that involves little or no mucus production. When women do not produce enough lubricating fluid, engaging in sexual contact is often uncomfortable or painful.
Durex Play or KY Brand Jelly helps lubrication during foreplay and intercourse.
Libido
Stress and anxiety are the biggest passion killers so try to reduce the worries in your life and prioritise some time and space for sex. Make a resolution to tackle any discord in your relationship rather than letting resentments gather. If you've been feeling low, see your doctor and get some help.
M is for massage
Sensual touch is one of the most highly relaxing and sexy things you can do for your partner. Our bodies are almost without exception tense in some area, if not many areas. This hinders our energy flow, including sexual energy flow. A massage can also help you have very sensual sex. As part of foreplay, it's a great way to start things off slowly, and relax into the feel of each other’s skin as your arousal intensifies.
But a simple massage that doesn’t lead to sex can also work wonders for your sex life. A non-sexual massage will familiarise (or re-familiarise) you with your partner’s body, reduce stress and reaffirm the intimacy between you. If you don’t want a massage to lead to sex, discuss this with your partner so you can avoid any misunderstanding.
Ménage a trois
One of the seemingly most popular fantasies for heterosexual men seems to be a menage-a-trios with two women. It is a fantasy that is as old as time. However, bringing a third person in you and our partner’s sex life can be tricky and cause problems and feelings of jealousy.
Normal
Never compare your sexual behaviour to outside norms - it’s about finding your own “normal”, not someone else’s. If you sacrifice your norms to please your partner, you’ll only create distance.
N is for Nipples
Girls' and guys' nipples are incredibly sensitive, so don’t forget about them. Try lightly squeezing them when you are having sex and see what reaction you get. Don’t tweak them too hard though. Remember, they are sensitive.
O is for orgasm
The big “O”. The ultimate destination. Sadly, not all women arrive at this goal! Often, women fake it rather than risk damaging their man's ego. Think about it for a second. Wouldn't he want to know if you’re not satisfied? If you answer "No" to this question then ditch him!
As you feel yourself reaching orgasm, slow down to an intensity of about 75 per cent of your full speed, stay there for one minute, and then pick up the pace again. This technique will make your orgasm get even more intense.
Oral sex
Oral sex is for some, a favourite foreplay technique. Arguably, it's a more intimate act than having penetrative sex and many find it just as physically satisfying. But not everybody enjoys oral sex and it's important to respect your partner's wishes. To protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections, you could use flavoured condoms with new partners.
P is for passion and pleasure
Keep the passion alive in your relationship by showering each other with small surprises. Leave love notes on the pillow or sneak one into his briefcase. Bring him breakfast in bed on a workday morning (hopefully he'll return the favour).
Play footsie under the table when you go out to dinner, and whisper in his ear that you're not wearing any underwear. This will let him know exactly what's on your mind and have him chomping on the bit to get home!
Create a buffet of sensual pleasure by blindfolding your man. Then, alternate using a cashmere scarf, silk panties or a piece of leather to stroke his skin. Next, it’s your turn.
Q is for quality not quantity
An important key to quality sex and excitement is to add some variety. Plan on not having actual intercourse for at least half an hour but enjoy all the other intimate things you can do to each other leading up to intercourse.
Quickie
A night of long-lasting sex is usually fantastic but a quickie before you go to the movies (with you both fully dressed) can feel exciting and naughty. There's nothing more tedious than the guy who thinks he's entering the Guinness book of Records for stamina, going on for hours. If your man leaves you staring at the ceiling and planning tomorrow's casserole, it's time for a serious talk.
In a long-term relationship, quickies can still mean quality sex. The key is to connect, and to make it fun. An orgasm, though it would be lovely, should not be the ultimate goal. Rather, see a quickie as stealing a slice of love out of your busy lives.
R is for role play
Well, either you’re into it or you aren’t. Ideally, it allows you to explore hidden sides of yourself in a rewarding, intimate space. Powerful women often enjoy playing damsels in distress because it helps free their inner fantasies.
Relax
Sex with a loving partner can be one of the most beautiful and intense experiences in life. Often, the best sex happens when you’re not worrying about making it exciting or orgasmic. And yes, sex helps us relax, but what about relaxing during sex? Deep breathing is very important to facilitate blood flow to the clitoris. When caught in the moment, we tend to stop breathing, which can delay or even inhibit orgasm.
S is for STI/STD
Don't become another sexual health clinic statistic. Whether you plan to have multiple partners or save yourself for that one special person, don't take risks and just get it on until you've both had an infection screen. And of course, always be well protected so condoms are a must.
Sensuality Vs sexuality
“Sensuality is about experiencing things through awareness, presence and the exploration of senses and also allowing passion into your life. With the right focus of mind, you can make anything a sensual experience such as taking baths, massages, eating, a walk in the park and many more.”
“You don't have to be a beauty queen to be sensuous. A sensuous woman is someone who knows how to carry herself well like the way she communicates, walks, eat, dresses, the perfume she wears and she is charming and intellect. Being natural can be sensuous to some man.”
“Sexuality is complex and is the word used to describe our sexual interest. It is also the force that empowers us to display our emotional feeling such as sexual thoughts, desires to another person. Resolving your sexuality really depends on who you are and what you want. For some it can be difficult because of strict family rules or religion matters. One thing you need to know is sexuality can change and you do not have to be attracted to it.”(Source: Christina Liang, Celebrity Coach, www.communications3sixty.com)
T is for toys
If you and your partner both open to the idea of sex toys, it can be an arousing experience to do together. Many opt for vibrators but you can also try your hand at penis rings and edible undies. If you never thought about using sex toys before, now would be a good time to start.
Teasing
Tease him by making erotic phone calls to him during working hours and tell him all the naughty things that you want to do to him later when he gets home. You can also send him a sexy picture message with a sexy picture of you attached with it to give him something to look forward to the next time you're together!
U is for unprotected sex
Unprotected sex is never worth the risk. You could end up with an unwanted pregnancy or worth still, a sexual transmitted disease that can haunt you forever like herpes.
Underwear
As mentioned before, guys are often stimulated by visuals so its best to always weart your finest underwear or lingerie. If you don’t have any then go get some now because you definitely don't want to be caught off guard with a pair of granny panties, which is NOT sexy at all. We recommend you the basic selections of a foxy negligee baby doll night dress or knickers and a bra set with holds-ups or suspenders.
If you are self-conscious about your tummy, try a camisole then. If you don’t like your arms, wrap a lacy scarf around them, he will definitely have fun unwrapping it.
V is for <removed>
There are several natural alternatives to this virility drug, such as gingko (especially if sexual dysfunction is a side effect of antidepressants) and L-Arginine, which have been effective in clinical trials. Try foods rich in B6, B12, C and E vitamins and selenium (walnuts and brazil nuts, seafood, chicken and broccoli are good options here).
Vulva pain
Painful sex is a common complaint among women. If you've been suffering in silence then please go and seek help. There are many potential causes that spawn from fungal infections which are easily treated to psychosexual problems that can be improved by therapy sessions with a psychiatrist.
W is for whisper
Whispering sweet nothings or sexually explicit words to him will definitely add thrill to your relationship. And it’s not limited to just during foreplay or intercourse either. Random phone calls to him while he’s at work can give him Goosebumps and make him anticipate your next date together.
When sex is hot and when it’s not
What makes it sizzle and what makes it fizzle? This really depends on the level of connection and compatibility you have with him emotionally and sexually. If you and your partner fancy the same things like the missionary position then you’re on the same page. It doesn’t make you a boring couple if you don’t like any other positions either. The lack of sexual chemistry will definitely send your sex life downhill. You might like more foreplay and he might just want to dive right into it, so that’s definitely a no-go.
X is for x-rated
Your man’s interest in those naughty videos called pornography doesn't translate to the fact he finds porn stars more attractive or that you don’t satisfy him either. Try watching an erotic movie together and you'll be surprised that it can also send your Northern region tingling as it does for him too. It’s also sexy to make your own production and if you do, make sure that it’s kept in the safest place possible. You really wouldn’t want your mom accidentally stumbling into it do you?
Y is for YES Yes yes
Don't be afraid to let it all out. If you feel like making some noises then do, don't bite your lip silence. Unless you're the screaming type that is. There is a certain degree where being vocal is sexy and not scary.
Z is for zinc
All the well-known aphrodisiac foods are rich in zinc, which increases sperm count, improves fertility in women and maintains healthy levels of testosterone. It can also alleviate anxiety lookout for these type of food for some self improvement.
Z is for Zzzzz
Make sure you get enough sleep. If you like to stay up late to catch up on some light reading or watch late night movies, you’ll definitely have less energy for more important things like sex. Let’s face it, good sex takes up a lot of your energy and effort and the lack of sleep will definitely take your energy away from fully enjoying it.
This post has been edited by snowbreeze: Apr 28 2010, 06:30 PM
Guide to the best sex you'll ever have...
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