I took the courage to write about my love relationship that has failed miserably. Happy reading.

Getting Know (9 years ago, 19 years old)

I waved good bye to my family, carrying a luggage as I entered the airport security maze. The next few days, another exciting chapter of my life would begin as an undergraduate student in UK.

Finally, I reached Hannover in Germany for a transit to Manchester. Wonder how the airport looked like, I walked around and bumped into a cute girl carrying a luggage.

"Student eh?" I thought.

My eyes wandered down past her face, and her luggage read "Syarikat perlancongan ..."

"A Malaysian student eh?" I presumed.

We walked past each other.

Soon, it was boarding time. I rushed into the plane. It was amazingly coincident that she was at the window seat, while I was at the isle, which was one seat away, and that seat was not occupied.

It was an hour flight and soon we reached Manchester. I took my luggage from the overhead luggage locker, and saw the "Syarikat perlancongan" luggage. I passed it to her.

"Are you going to university?"

"Yeah", she replied, with a sweet smile.

"I'm Winner, getting to University of Leeds"

"Really? me too."

"I'm into Engineering"

"I'm into music"

We took about one and a half hour train from Manchester to Leeds and learned about each other. We joined student orientation and most activities together.

Soon, our friends teased, we are indeed a perfect match.

The couple (6-9 years ago, 19-22 years old)

We loved each other and went through ups and downs most of the times. We exchanged rings after 6 months into relationship. She was a wonderful girl, she never asked about my family and loved me as who I am. I cherished every moment with her.

The Commitment (8 years ago, 20 years old)

"You loved me?"

"Yes, of course" I replied.

"How much?"

"I'm afraid it's my turn to ask" I interjected.

"Opsss..."

"How much you loved me?" I asked.

"Tricky you... very much," then she continued,

"Now my turn, how much you loved me then?"

"More than very much"

"Tricky!"

"No lah... it's true!"

"Then how are you going to show me?"

"I'll be the most ambitious and the best man in the world, for you deserve one"

We motivated each other and I studied very hard.

The Three Years Separation (3-6 years ago, 22-25 years old)

I could not believe that I was nominated as the best student and received a gold medal during graduation. I subsequently received a scholarship to do PhD at King's College, London for three years.

Sadly, we separated as she flew back to MY. She started teaching in a music school on part time basis. She could not get a full time job and earned about RM800 per month.

Every week, we chatted through Skype for 30 minutes, but reduced to 5 - 10 minutes as I got busier. She knew I hated MSN as it always popped up and distracted my work, so we only communicated through Skype.

Eventually, I got my PhD done within 3 years that normally takes 3 to 4 years!

Back to MY (3 years ago, 25 years old)

The PhD really worn me out! I needed a break, so I helped out my father in my family business.

She remained sweet and beautiful. One day, she visited my home.

"Wah.... your home is... undescribable!" she looked astonished.

Soon, my father got me a Camry as a company car that came at lower price through tax reduction.

"Wah.... you got new car?" she exclaimed this time!

I visited her parents and they were happy with us. She lived with her parents in a double storey terrace home, which I supposed quite old.

Her new job and my father's advice (3 years ago, 25 years old)

I told my father her predicament to teach in a small music school and needed a better job, but unfortunately, it was too difficult. It happened that my father knew an event management businessman. She then took up the job to perform during VIP events and later performed in KLCC.

"Son, you must seriously contemplate about her," My dad told.

"Why?"

"I have seen more girls better than her"

"Dad, don't worry, I know what to do"

I realized that being the only son, he wanted me to choose carefully. My dad wanted her to be clear that opening doors for her in job was not meant to be a ticket to our family.

"And, just ignore the girls if you find them annoying," my dad continued, referring to the girls in the office and I meet daily during marketing and while giving talks.

My GF didn't have much saving then, I paid her RM1500 per month for dress, cosmetic and facial.

My busy schedule (3 years ago, 25 years old)

I became very busy dealing with business, and my dad was always telling I have much more to improve in everything I did. From marketing to finance to human resource to accounting, there were tones to go through! Again, I worn out and old behaviors of mine crept back, just like while I was doing a PhD, I hate people to annoy me. I started to priortize my works.

She was annoying! (3 years ago, 25 years old)

When I was tired, she called for a movie and shopping! I was so annoyed when she called me out just to choose an evening gown that she would pay through my credit card that I had given her. There were many small annoying cases where I thought extremely trivial!

Deep down, I yelled "It doesn't matter you have small matters, but don't add burden to me!"
"你惹麻烦没关系, 可别三番四次麻烦我!!!!"

Things turn sour!

She performed violin very well in a performance at KLCC. She was most beautiful in her evening gown. I presented her 11 roses.

On our way back to her home. We were in a dark housing area.

"My stomach ache..." she complained.

I pulled over.

"Are you OK?" I put my hands over her stomach and moved my head closer.

Just all of a sudden, she caught hold my head and we kissed.

She undo my suit button, and put her hands on mine.

"No," I said, as I recalled my dad's advice.

On top of that, my dad is totally against shotgun marriage to save face for some reason, I admit.

Things turn MORE sour!

We never talked after that. I supposed she was temperamental. After two weeks, I bought another 11 roses and we had dinner near my office.

"I know you are strong, why you never approach me for the past six years?" She asked.

I turned irate!

"Just because you want to know I'm strong or weak, you lied on your stomach ache?"

I paid the bill and left for my office without meal.

Things turn EVEN MORE sour!

So, we went genting during a weekend after one of my meetings. I was actually very busy and hoped that trip could be canceled. Before I left, my dad passed me two vouchers for high end hotel rooms, normally given to managers. I also brought a Shiraz (red wine).

So, I brought her to the hotel room, and she turned irate this time knowing that we were in separate rooms! She stormed me out of her room!

I drank the whole Shiraz and slept through. The next day, I told her my busy schedule and we need to go back home immediately.

The separation again (2 years ago, 26 years old)

I got a job as researcher in NZ and moved here since then. We never communicated well, and probably, we have known each other for long, and the kind of love had fizzled out.

Break up

Six months into my job, she suggested break up. I agreed without much consideration.

Now (28 years old)

Both of us remain single. I heard from my male friend, she left her job and went back to the music school teaching again.

Reconciliation (28 years old)

Life has never been easy! As time goes by, the guiltiness and love grew stronger and stronger. It was simply irresistible. I missed her kiss, her hug, her smile, and even tears. I made up my mind to patch up with her.

On Dec 2, I flew back to MY from NZ.

Part 1: Dad vs Me AGAIN!
Wed, Dec 2, Noon

I arrived MY in the morning. I was tired due to time difference of 5 hours between MY and NZ. Mum has prepared my favourite lunch. She's always been caring. Next, Dad, Mum and I chatted in the study room at home. We talked mostly about my Dad's health. Then, about the business.

"Come to office later, you gotta show your face, otherwise everyone thought you were fired indefinitely."

"I'm tired, and will leave this Friday. Do I have to go to office?"

"Just show your face to managers, and I'll also show your results."

"What results?" I asked.

"Your poor performance! The business project."

"Alright, if you wanna scold, scold now." I was getting impatient.

"You did your project for six months about two years ago, every manager knew your poor performance!" Dad raised his voice.

"What's the results. Talk now, don't yell in the office!"

"Winner, speak properly." Mum advises.

"You managed the project for six months, you know the net profit? It was about RM300,000! That's a pathetic RM50,000 per month!" Dad yelled.

"What's wrong with RM50,000 per month for my first project?"

"You dare to ask! You told me you worked hard, and this was what you have got to show! If you were managing the entire company, it would have already been declared bankrupt!"

"You only gave me a pathetic team with 3 persons including 2 new employees, what do you expect?!" I questioned.

"My stupid son, can't you recruit yourself? Can't you borrow employee from other departments? I would have fired if you were not my son!"

"Everyone busy in the company, how to borrow?! Recruit new people need money, and the risk of the project was high! OK, I have failed! Fire me!" I barged out of the room, and stayed at the doorway.

"Told you son has his own way too, don't shout at him." Mum said softly.

"If you shout at him and know how to teach, I won't have to shout!"

Frustrated, I went golfing.

P/S: Dad would only scold me in a four-eye meeting (or six-eye with Mum). He is always proud of me in the office and outside. He has no fixed target in projects, and the target is always subjective. I was stupid though as I did not question much about the target of RM90,000 per month in this project, which was near to impossible! If I were to hire more people, the net profit would be less than RM50,000. Even borrow employee from other department needs to pay the other department money and reduce the net profit in this project!

Dad is dad, his target is always unachievable!

Wed, Dec 2, Nite

Went clubbing with a group of male friends. I was unhappy and drunk. Suddenly, I realized that my GF never likes clubbing, and all the while I went clubbing myself with others.

What a day! I was supposed to come back for reconciliation with GF, but ended up fanning the flame of angry.

Part 2: First Meet After TWO Years

Both of us were walking casually in a park near her music school in Genting. The park was quiet and deserted.

"How's life Winne?"

"Sorry, I'm Alice... it has been more than one year."

"I'm very good. How are you?" she continued.

"Not too bad."

"So, what brings you here? Business, I bet?"

"Yeah. But, I miss you too."

"Help yourself to concentrate on your work then."

"I tried, but I failed."

"Doesn't sound like you. Failure has never crept into your mind." She chuckled.

I was silenced by her statement.

"Feel cold?" I asked as I was offering her my suit jacket.

"No, I have acclimatised"

"Well, how's your work?" I asked.

We chatted about our daily routine, family and parents. Everything goes fine, however, it was unfortunate that her younger sister was diagnosed with a serious disease that has put her on edge. I listened to her predicament and suggested several private hospitals.

"Winne, I love you."

"Your new secretary eh?" She smiled. "I'm Alice"

"I'm sorry, I'm wrong, right from the beginning."

"Again, doesn't sound like you. Wrong for what?"

"Winne, you know I love you most."

I whimpered and tried to convince her how deep was my feeling towards her. I felt helpless, and made a small step towards her. I put my suit over her shoulder and hugged her hips from behind.

"Back off or I'll yell!" she exclamed, while passing the suit back to me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Winner, please don't disappoint the new Winne, she needs you most!"

"No, you are my Winne, forever."

"Sorry, my boyfriend will come shortly, I have made him a call."

I felt helpless! I was sick at heart upon hearing about boyfriend.

She was getting annoyed and started to recall the past.

"You always said your secretary is hot and beautiful!"

"It was just a joke."

"I never like facial, hair dressing and make up sessions several times a week!"

"You could tell me."

"Winner, you never change!"

"Shall I tell you to love someone uglier than your secretary?" she continued.

"You always said how hot and beautiful the other girls at swimming pool!"

I kept silence.

"Shall I tell you to love someone wearing a primary one swim suit?"

I was astonished she could vividly remember every detail that I do and told unintentionally.

"I'm sorry, my fault"

"AGAIN! Doesn't sound like you. What fault? It was me who can't cope with that, so my fault!"

"No, I never understand you. I'm sorry"

"Hi James, meet Winner" A man, about 35 years old, came and stand a few meters away from us.

I inched forward and put my suit over her shoulder and, again hugged her. I shed tears.

"Winne, I could not lose you"

"Back off or I'll yell!"

"No, I love you Winne, I know you have feeling towards me"

She agitatedly shrugged me off.

"What are you doing? Winner! My boyfriend's here!"

She got out of my hold and slapped me lightly at my right cheek.

"You're crazy!"

"No, I love you! I can't live without you."

I moved forward and hugged.

"Back off! You are abusive!"

"Hey you!" the as**** yelled.

"James, he's crazy."

James pushed me off and punched me right in the stomach!

"James, what are you doing! Stop!" Winne yelled.

"Can't you men use your brain? Both of you are crazy!"

"Alice, are you OK? You are shivering." James asked.

"Winner, I'm sorry, are you OK?" Winne concerned about me as I was doubled over.

"I'm fine Winne" I replied. My feeling was akin to beating my head against a brick wall! Deep down, I exclaimed "Who the hell is this James? You got her and punched me!"

"Let's go Alice, he was assaulting you." the son of a * said.

"Shut up! Can't you stop making trouble?" Winne shouted. She was right. How dare this son of a * punched me!

Winne propped me up.

"I'm fine. Bye." I told Winne. I'm uncertain what to do next and barged off.

"Bye. Sorry again, Winner."

I'm hurt deep down.

Part 3: She's Winne?!

Upon returning home, I called her to apologise.

"Hello" her father greeted.

"Hi Uncle, I'm Winner. How are you?"

"Fine. What was happening? She keeps silent and herself in her room."

Her father has been keeping mum on our relationship, and is indeed someone for me to turn to.

"Sorry, just a small misunderstanding."

"Winne, you have a phone call." her father called her.

Deep down, I was confused. Her father called her Winne! Did I hear correctly? I bet I was correct!

"I suppose she's taking a rest. Anything you wanna talk to me?" her father replied.

"Nothing. I'm glad she's taking a rest."

"Winner, no one else could understand her most except you."

"She's been with you for eight years," her father continued.

"I'm sorry." I replied.

"You are a smart guy, you know what to do. Uncle only hopes to see her happy."

"I will. No worry uncle."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Part 4: At the KLIA airport
Friday, Dec 4

I arrived at the KLIA airport five hours earlier than my departure time. Aimlessly, I walked briskly around the airport.

"How encouraging if she could appear." I thought.

If only I could turn back time, how I wish those sweet moments when we first met in Germany could reoccur. I deeply regret for love is the precious gift to be treasured, yet I have been mistreating her

Time is ticking ever faster. Soon, it was one hour to departure time. Subconsciously, I quickened my pace. I wasn't late but where am I getting to? I'm confused.

"Winner!"

I turned my head to the side. She was standing there alone with her glistening eyes. We looked at each other for a moment. It was a mixed feeling... thankful, relieved, joy, confused, palpitations...

I inched towards her.

"Hi Winne, how are you?"

I cleared my throat. We remained silent, and were overwhelmed with emotion. She began to shed tears.

"I hope you could accept my apologise." I whimpered.

She snuggled and hugged me.

"I love you. I'll never hurt you again." I promised her.

We hugged each other. She remained silent and cried over my shoulder.

"Life has never been easy for us. I'm sorry." I apologised.

She passed me the suit jacket that I left her yesterday.

"Thanks for the flight ticket." I took the tickets from the suit.

"So, don't you leave if I don't come?" She said softly, sobbing between words.

"I'll be by your side, Winne."

"Winner, I'm sorry, but I'm tired with my sister getting sick, and I'm occupied with my work as well."

"Winne, everything will be fine. Don't worry."

I know I could not get a positive response at that moment, but I'm willing to wait for her answer.

Soon, it was boarding time. We bid farewell.

Part 5: NOW in NZ
Sunday, Dec 6

It has been more than one day since we bid farewell to each other. I am still waiting for a response. Be it positive or otherwise, I'll leave it to our destiny, for I have tried my best.

This post has been edited by theWinner: Dec 6 2009, 11:52 AM

Well, there isn't anyone is right or wrong in relationship stuff. Turn a look into it, you were expecting her to be understanding to you but she is just an ordinary girl who expecting the bf to be there for her whenever she needs some companion. For you, she is disturbing and annoying but have you really think of her? I don't intend to side anyone, it's just, I guess we should learn to see things from both sides which will be better.

If busy is the only excuse for you unable to get a gf, then it's really funny that what makes you think those busy businessmen able to get a happy family? We all have 24 hours per day, it is all depends on us how do we want to spend it with people around us and as well our work. If the first relationship issue couldn't work out, there's still second and third to come, most important, learn from every single mistake that you've made in the past relationship, affirm yourself it doesn't happen anymore.

sometime i was wondering ~~ compare with love and money .... which is the more important? love? money?

god give you such a lovely girl, but because of your job and your father advice .... u ruin the love in your life.... isn't there is a way to secure the relationship?

she just need you to accompany her ~~~ but you ignoring her because of your busy schedule ..i was wondering is it worth for you?

you still may choose the girl that u may like... but is there time for you to date her?

yes, u might be successful businessman... when your time comes, u still be lonely if you cant find a suitable girl accompany u~~

This post has been edited by outsider: Nov 29 2009, 10:14 AM

There is such type of girls exist, sometimes they call/ask for movie/shopping or whatever, they just wanted to please the bf to make the bf feel happier.

For guys, starting of the relationship is so damn wonderful, as if the gf is the angel; but when there's a time not in a good mood, while gf just tries to please or without intention, immediately the gf turns to be annoying and irritating.

I don't mean to say guys are bad or the girls are good, but I'm just wondering if she is such an irritating person, what makes you fall in love with her at the first place? Sometimes, we can take parents' advice but not all and blindly. If a relationship ends, it's not a party's fault but both.

He is busy yet he has all the freaking time to reply and post on LYN?

Sounds just like an attention seeker or another pathetic sad man to me

10 seconds, 10 minutes or 60 minutes, still considered as "moment".

In b4 BTL. CC Is Not Your Blog™. kthxbai

zomg...Joanne Yeoh? can't be, time and date is not correct, but strikingly similar...

Thanks for sharing, bro.
Good luck!

Such a sad story. A short trip to 7-11 would have make the ending a bit rosier.

Touche

Seriously dude, get your head out of work and enjoy your life abit. Theres gotta be a balance between your work and personal life, which from what I see atm, is 100-0.

such a wonderful love story.. so sad it is a sad ending.. Hopefully u will find your love one in the future "Winner".. Good luck

a rich guy + poor gal = sad story....

a poor guy + rich gal - FTW!!!

..And the purpose of this thread is? Not advice, certainly not giving of it. Nor is this a discussion of any sorts.

In before BTL.

i will say when you are in the relationship you cannot just think from your side only. There are comitment and sacrify you have to face it. i will say that when young age you never came across the problems you facing just more to enjoy the sweet time. As from the girl side ya she wanted to have you more since you cannot give her the time so do not complaint and seek pity from here. i have the other situation than yours. Everything is just excuse for yourself, if you want to do you can do it, is a matter you want it or not thats all.

Could someone enlighten me with what BTL is???


EDIT: BTL = Baronic Thread Lock (Thanks Kampung! I got it almost correct)

This post has been edited by lovelyduckling: Nov 29 2009, 12:38 PM

In another matter...

When one can juggle personal material commitments and relationship, only then, perfect harmony will be achieved.

This post has been edited by Kampung2005: Nov 29 2009, 12:41 PM

3 years of boring and annoying?? how u survive in such of 3 yrs..

well..the whole thing is good for her. at least she better be with somebody who can listen to her small2 matters.

u dun lost much why so sad...

Seems like the girl trying to fish you into more intimate relationship and expect you to spend more time with her.
You didn't take the bait and maybe she is too desperate for it already. Maybe she also feel bored of the cold/dull relationship after few yrs with u.
Some girls like new, exciting life full of satisfaction for physically, mentally and material gain .... its not easy to fullfil their humongous desire and needs.

After show their true colour, theres no turning back liao. These girls will go try fishing for other "sui yee".

To skysherly,

I realize your point, but I had taken my commitment to her seriously. Alright, I'll take more time off the next time, thanks.

This post has been edited by theWinner: Nov 29 2009, 02:05 PM

Yeah, she's lovely! For the past eight years, I have been stressful and having sleeping disorder at times, and frankly speaking, I could only sleep while thinking her smiling to me.

But, I'm in a difficult position as well as my father is very strict, he has the highest expectation on me.

My father advice was to avoid me being "Yee Sai Zhou", a womaniser who play around and fail to achieve everything. That's why he totally disagree I have any intimate relationship before marriage.

But, she misunderstood. She aroused me just to test if I'm strong and wanted to know why I never approached her. I was extremely angry on this! How could she think I'm weak? She should be more logical!

This post has been edited by theWinner: Nov 29 2009, 02:14 PM

...and boring.

She's an obedient girl, I don't think she would toy people around.

I think she does not have enough confidence with me, or both of us. She realized that I am strong, and have good prospect, just why I don't approach her might be suspicious... No, I'm not really sure, I think girls could interpret better....

Ok ok. Before I leave for piano teaching classes, I just want to ask few questions only:

1. What did your father actually want to tell you by saying: Contemplate about her. And he told you he has seen many other gals better than her, does he mean your ex isn't good enough? How much has your father known about her that he could put such a judgement on her?

2. LDR, Skype from half an hour to 5 minutes. If you said this relationship is a commitment, what is that that actually stopped you from spending her half an hour per day for Skype?

3. Do you believe that she tells you she approached you just to check if you are strong? Do you think there's actually another reason which is what moved her to do so?

4. I'm a pianist at lounges and pubs, doing master program next year, i know chinese as well, are you interested in me? I can be your online GF or GF in real life. And, I'm so desperate to debate with your father!

kthxbai!

zzzZZZzzz

This thread needs to be locked. He already make his decision of dumping the poor girl.

Lock it.

She is not checking whether u r strong or weak, she is just:

1) want to improve you two relationship by getting more intimate...

2) have her need in sex...

1. No one can exactly tell what is really going on in his mind! To contemplate other girls may mean she is really not good enough, but so far I rated her excellent while attending important events. And she did show the right manners. While, my dad may want me to consider other girls so that we don't have intimate relationship. My father hates Yee Sai Zhou, and being the only son, you know he can't afford to have me achieving nothing!

2. No. I didn't mean the relationship is a commitment. I meant my PhD and achievement success is OUR commitment. Not half an hour per day, it was half an hour per week. My goal was to quickly finish my PhD on time within 3 years, so I kept our communication minimum during that time. I wanted to get back to MY as soon as possible with her, that's why I was cool.

3. Girl, ask yourself. To avoid further embarrassment on her, I pretended nothing happended, and maybe this was my mistake. Being angry, I didn't think further on that and concentrated on my work.

This post has been edited by theWinner: Nov 29 2009, 02:48 PM

+1

you did not appreciate her. if i were ur ex, i would have dumped you when you were doing your PhD in London. with the communication of 5 min A WEEK, she still chose to be with you, i would say she is the best gal on earth!!!

you were acted like those parents who do not have time for their children and compensate them with $$. sometimes, girls need companionship more than $$. but for you, you might think that with the CC you have given to her, she can definitely shop alone without bothering you. why?? because she does not have high income and saving. i tell you what, a girl who wants your money will do like what you expected your ex to do, but unfortunately, your ex isnt that type of girl (lucky you, but u did not appreciate, so, pity you)

did you realize that your story after you have done your PhD keep relating your ex to $$?

lastly, i would like to tell you, you are extremely selfish.

sorry if i offended you, zhong1 yan2 ni4 er3 (this is han yu pin yin, do not have chinese program).

Winner,

I presume everyone in a relationship will try their best to commit, of course I'm not talking about those young kiddos who play a fool in love around. I'm glad that you realize my point. As I read off all the post here, I can tell you from a girl's point of will, it's never easy for a girl to actually make the first move for an intimate relationship. The main reason for a girl to do so will only hope to please the lover in order to improve the relationship, of course cut off those b!tches around, I'm not talking about slut but normal girls. Sometimes, when something happen, it doesn't make it better for the girl if you just pretend nothing happen. You know, girls are different, we are not the worm in your stomach to know what you think, and eventually, girls need more affirmation from guys. In fact, in that matter when you were just pretending nothing happened, you were actually further the embarrassment on her.

Communication is one important tool in all relationships, may be for you it's enough with just 5 minutes a day but if the other party was not satisfied, there's actually many ways for you to do something to balance up for both side. Anyhow, since this is the past, is there a point for anyone to talk about it anymore?

cool story bro!

i'm in no position (either financially or otherwise ) to give my 2 cents, however here is what i think...



btw, do you have a job opening for me?

I know communication was insufficient. And I appreciate your points. Yes, she's the best girl on earth, she's obedient. Within that 5 minutes, I sweet talked a lot, and she was all the way happy.

Maybe I was/am money minded, so my thinking is more into money. I agree I didn't gave her enough emotional support, but I tried, just like attending her performance.

Actually, she's good that she didn't really want to spend my money at times, and the facial package was arranged by me through phone call after browsing internet. And also, her hair dressing. Yes, she need to be presentable for performance, and to convince my father and others that she's the girl.

Yes, i'm kinda selfish.

---

Added on November 29, 2009, 3:44 pmYou have a good point here. I never know it took her much courage to make the first move. I was all the while angry to hear she thought I'm weak!

Next, what would you suggest if i were to see her one day? She remains single, and recently, she sends me some wishes. I have been thinking whether to let her know i'm going back to MY for some times before heading for overseas.



This post has been edited by theWinner: Nov 29 2009, 03:44 PM

I don't see there is any problem with Winner. You are in fact a very generous bf with great prospect.

The girl needs to be more independent that's all. She has you who can make things possible for her. She should be spending her time taking care of her own stuff and concentrating on her own career, improve herself instead.

You are still young and your father is right. There are many temptations out there and it is important for you to be in control of yourself. People often label rich and successful people a womaniser, daddy's boy etc...

I suggest you find a girl who knows what she wants, who can take care of her own things. You shouldn't be arranging facial and make up appointments. The most a guy needs to do is drive the gf to her appointments or have the driver take her there.

Since you travel so much, if I'm the gf, I look forward to flying out to see you while you are away. Then I can visit places, attend world class concerts and learn more.

If you are both serious and she has vision for the future, everything will be different once you become husband and wife. Then you can spend more time together. Hopefully by then, career and work wise both are stable and you can have more time together.

This post has been edited by barista: Nov 29 2009, 03:51 PM

True, as I have said, she has been obedient. She's not materialistic at all.

My father is a strict person and I have been listening to him all the while, and what's more I'm getting business from him, just can't afford to make him worry.

Of course I have ego, I hate her test, though I might misunderstood! I missed her when she sent me wishes recently... sigh

to me she is very independent already...

problem is... every independent human.. STILL needs companionship...

All the while, yes, I put myself as a very generous bf, but i doubt the others agree with me.

Actually, she has been very independent. I see her effort to present herself in a way that never embarrassed anyone. Once, we were attending a function at a children home with a number of VIPs. I could not believe when she went on a small stage and played a violin, while the children cheers.

Why i should not arrange facial and hair dressing for her? She's shy with using my money.

Why do you want people to suggest you what to do when you see her a day? Isn't that this is your relationship for you to do what you desire? She remains single or not, I guess she has her own reasons, as for you if you think you want to meet her, then go ahead; else, leave it.

You are generous because money isn't an issue for you, but can money gets everything you want in life? Such as companionship, love, happiness? Well, being generous doesn't mean you are not selfish or good. Everyone has a different point of view in everything. As for your relationship, no doubt everyone here can tell you a lot for what to do or even criticize you for who you are, but at the end of the day, it is you to decide what you really want.

Next time when you are angry, just take a deep breathe first, try to calm yourself and then think for the others. When you can't control your own emotions, what makes you think that you can even give happiness to somebody else?

Ahh... she is the normal type of girl. Bf spend... shy but take also.

If a girl seriously want to improve her situation, she will be doing a lot more to make a living. Then she can use her own money for anything. However, most girls just want to be taken care of. It isn't hard at all to be nice when someone can take care of the money. If you do not listen to your dad, she will move in with you right away.

I'm sharing here as a woman who is still single. I play music, I teach art and I work a full time job in a public listed company. Believe me, it is much tougher to try to make something out of my own career, buy my own car and condo than to find some man who will take care of everything for me. Personally, I feel that self dignity is very important. Although I don't make a lot and wouldn't consider myself a career woman, at least I can take care of myself and I am ready for marriage when I feel the time is right.

Because I have no idea how to make her to accept me, not even a single idea! Call me a dummy, and I confess love is complicated, much more complicated than my research! I never know how to make her feel better, less embarrassed. I understood, while she is strong, it might be a bit hard for her to bear with some intense moment that I had brought about.

To continue my story:

At Genting, I was drunk after having a bottle of Shiraz. I knocked on her door. She felt something amiss and opened.

"I'm so strong that I could ..... " I yelled.

I don't know what happened clearly then but when I woke up, I was on the bed in her room, and she was in my room.

I think I embarrassed her a lot. Stupid me!

Somehow I felt I have given her the least while i was in UK for three years doing my PhD. And, while i was in MY, I gave her something that she never need. In the end, we break up, wwhile she has been my biggest motivation to date.

This post has been edited by theWinner: Nov 29 2009, 04:34 PM

+1.

Up your social intelligence, my friend.

Life with regrets, not nice at all.

Money = can earn

"That" person (girl) = once lost, hard to retrieve

Just let it go. It's not meant to be that's all.

She will be happier with someone else or she will find her own happiness.

If she is single now does not mean anything. Just probably someone right hasn't come along.

Have you ever thought that you are not the right one for her too?

Sometimes we girls love so much and forgot about this as well, until one day we take a hard look at the situation.

We may have put in so much love but then we now know that the person is not right for us.

So do not blame yourself. It is nobody's fault. Let go.

That was 8 years relationship! Are you sure girls could easily take 8 years to tell whether suit or not? How many 8 years a girl have?

I could not forget her, frankly. I never sweet talk with other girls, for 8 years, I have only sweet talked her, and it just made me impossible to sweet talk any other girls.

congrats TS ... based on ur story i can c u r not a "yee sai zou" but sadly u r a "kwan kiok zhai" ... so if ur dad ask u to eat shit then u 100% eat la??? u r almost 30 n ur brain is rusted ... got a PhD but think like my 3 years old nephew ...

n frankly ur dad thinks he is rich n wealthy ... so ur gal tht stayed in a old double storey house is farking poor n not match with u izzit? since u r earning so much ... y u must force ur gf to do things ur way? since her income doesnt bother u , juz let her b wat she wanna b as long as she is happy n not tarnishing her n ur family ... if teaching music n earning less is pathetic ... i c ur dad n ur mind is more saddening ...

after so many years , no sex relationship = u r strong? i think u got problem izzit? n when she took the first step u reject n angry? wtf? it might not b a test but its bcoz she really thinks u r the 1 n wanted to go 1 step further ... or mayb after so many years , it is an important test , a test to c whether ur "didi" can function onot ...

n u r so busy u cant accompany her more , yet u can spend time browsing the internet n book facial appointment for her n post this with replies in LYN .... biggest joke of the millennium liao

conclusion , idiot gets Phd , but onli follow chinaman dad's order , lastly blame gf not understanding enuf ... TS if i were u , go work as robot whr ur dad is the controller n wait ur dad to choose a gal he likes , then u marry her n get ur dad a grandson ... ur life will b easier but its not ur own life ... it's juz part of ur dad life since he's controlling it .... u wasted ur life ...

you shouldn't be so angry with her for the "test".

8 yrs of relationship, she may think that it is time to move to the next level?

also, the time you give her is TOO LITTLE.

5mins per WEEK on skype.. she is really a great girl to endure it all alone.

asking you out to choose a dress for her because she wants to be important to you. (need not mention abt her paying it by the credit card you provide)

if i were her, could be what she thought too, i would rather have my man caring for me and be there for me. don't need diamonds, roses, candle light dinners, etc.

that is simple.. of what girls with true love want

do you understand me?

do you want to accept the fact?

Both of you still in the 20s. So what's the worry?
You were both young and immature. People change you know? Learn to accept that.
What is 8 years? People can get married when they have known each other for less than a year and stay happily married.

Like I say, the time and person is not right. Do not use the amount of money you spent on her over the years to compare with love.

wow! 8 years and it's off just like that.? i'm not going to criticised you, but just based on what i feel and judge.

Money is an important factor in life, i don't know how many people out there know the importance of money in their life. in relationship, for poor people or moderate people, 50% [i would just say 50% coz i'm also not sure] of the people would quarrel coz of it.

But you're a rich and intelligent person. to me , your story is more like beauty and the beast which rarely occurs now. but, what a pity. we can't tell you how to solve and correct it, but letting out what you feel out here is a good thing. hopefully the next person coming into your life, will be better. things in real life world is so hard to say, who knows maybe FATE would just give you one last chance ?

anyhow, people come people go. nobody has the right to say these and that as some of them might not have felt it before. just wait till they're in your shoes.

so cheer up!

Well,after reading your story TS it give me good lesson how to treat my gf and maintain our relationship.

I wonder with all the money and fame you earned throughout your life, what are you going to do with them? Big house? Nice cars? MOre big house and nice cars? Hmmm...

This post has been edited by zhaoyun91: Nov 29 2009, 05:44 PM

This problem has just recently been in my mind.. and my friend told me about it.. 90%. Money can buy 90% of the things in the world.. but 10% of it is LOVE,Happiness, relationship,..

well, different people different thoughts. just enlighten it if there's any mistake which i wrote.

well... the 10% is what TS needs to learn dun you think?

Wats the purpose of having so much houses and cars? Didnt he thought of wanting someone to continue his legacy? From my perspective, the only good thing of TS doing throughout his life is promoting the economic growth of the world where the rich is getting richer and the poor is getting poorer.

He had failed to truly appreciate simple gestures of care and love given by someone who is a stranger to him in the sense of she is not a blood related to him. What more can I say? People work to live and he chose live to work.

She isn't one who takes things for granted, she isn't self-centered and she is simple minded. I'm afraid if she hands you her life, her life will be ruined.

Shiat! I think i'm the best gal on earth also!

AGREE.

Are you alright? You are trying to say his ex isn't independent enough? Are you ok? She's been all alone in MY, settling her own life matters and problems without him being there, plus there's only 5 minutes conversatio per week which is not even enough for her to sweet talk with him what's more to share him her problems and now you are saying she isn't independent enough? Is that call going together for ups and downs? Where are the ups and downs since both barely know what's happening with each other, with the merely 5 minutes of time, huh???

Why can't he worry? If he does still love her, he has the right to patch back. Yes, you're right, many people gets married after knowing each other for less than 1 year as well as many people divorce after married for 20 years but I don't think we can use other people's examples to judge our own relationship, right?

If he'd still have the heart to patch back, by all means he should just go for it; if he is unsure then don't bother the gal's life as she may find her current life happy and comfortable.

We are not the one to judge if she's the right one for him or not, that's only he can tell.

+1 debbieyss on these "We are not the one to judge if she's the right one for him or not, that's only he can tell. "

...

This post has been edited by puppytrainer: Nov 29 2009, 09:11 PM

hello....sweet talk will not be sufficient to maintain relationship lar...pls.... my ex used to tell me 'i love you', 'i miss you' everyday. i felt sweet at the beginning, but as time goes by, i felt those 'loves' from him have difference with ' good morning' and 'good night'.

if you think you are still missing her, try to get her back. but you have to change ur attitude first, you wouldnt want her to leave you for 2nd time rite?

goodluck!!!

---

Added on November 29, 2009, 9:12 pmLOL!!! your bf is as lucky as TS then

This post has been edited by pumpkinn: Nov 29 2009, 09:12 PM

Go & find her! c if stil hav da click. jz giv it a try. den u'l leave no regret. well, i think she's stil into u.

This post has been edited by stylish: Nov 29 2009, 09:26 PM

totally disagree with you, as i think TS's ex isnt not independent enough, but what she needs is COMPANIONSHIP from TS. anyway, with the following sentence, i can feel you are trying to compare your independence with TS's ex.

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Added on November 29, 2009, 9:26 pmor maybe this:

IMHO, no matter how independent a girl is, once she is attached, she will be 'used' to rely on her bf as she will think that she is no longer alone and there is someone who can take care of her. career and independence is very important for girl who is single but things will definitely changed once the Prince appears.

This post has been edited by pumpkinn: Nov 29 2009, 09:30 PM

another think TS- u nit to knw how girls think in love relationship matters
u now need to read novel of love story and those korean love story, most girls reacted the same way- this are good reference for u

u r a scholar- watching thru those korean love drama wont be a problem for u... get more info- learn about women, learn....u r a PhD holder...what u do best is to study- so study women then

alrite- enuf said. i felt sad for the girl. i have a gf like yours, sweet, not materialistic and i will cherish her...no matter wat

good day to u

TS...

You had fulfilled your promised to her for being the most ambitious and best man in the world...

but too bad is not for her.

its okay, love comes and go, eventually you both will yourself someone that are suitable for each other, I guess...

p/s: I wish I have the same determination like you in being a successful person... cheers for that

TS, u are in engineering field, right? PhD, no? (Sorry, been skipping most if not all ur posts LOL)

Be my bf so that I can parade u to my friends and relatives. YAY!!!!! I don't care about ur failed past relationships or whatsoever. It's okay if u are boring and have no time for me, I don't mind. I will find ways to ease the boredom and loneliness anyway I love successful and hardworking man like u even though men like u could be a pain in the ass most the time without other desirable qualities I am also looking for.

Anyway, we can always negotiate in terms what we want to achieve or gain from each others Do promise to seriously consider my hmm proposal

I am 21 y/o btw, a young ambitious girl with great personality *coughs*... random HAHAHA!




This post has been edited by lovelyduckling: Nov 29 2009, 10:41 PM

hmm, 8 years of boredom, you mean?

A woman should retain her career and financial independence even if she is attached. Who is to guarantee that no one else is eyeing your partner eh? Especially a rich and successful one? Who is going to guarantee that he is going to stay with you for life? Who can tell he is going to be the strongest and bread winner in the household? A lot of things can happen. I think a woman who is capable is going to make a big difference in a man's life. I think men also need a sense of security and not be the only person solely responsible for providing the household. Two capable people can provide for a better home.

This post has been edited by barista: Nov 29 2009, 10:48 PM

This post has been edited by Daring Star: Nov 29 2009, 10:50 PM

The case for TS is that her gf is emotionally cling on TS, i don't see any problems here, right?

She never asked any financial support from TS it's TS that gives her allowance out of generousity, right?

Smart woman will be independent in career but when comes to love and relationship, she will be a sweet little woman showing affection and admiration to her man.

Smart woman knows when to be independent and when to be clingy.

This post has been edited by debbieyss: Nov 29 2009, 10:57 PM

o.O????

got work, no gf
work anytime also can find, soulmate is once in a lifetime and you abandoned her just like that.


P/S: She deserves someone better.

after all the things you had given her, after 8 years of her youth spent with you, and yet she still risk the decision of breaking up
so do you think the problems only lies in her? you got your own part to answer as well

Winner, I think you have to understand this, you can do whatever you want to, but you can never make anyone to love you or to accept you. No matter you are a PhD holder or whatever professor in anything, you just can't decide things on anyone's behalf. See, love is just as simple as a piece of white paper, it is you who make it to be complicated. Everything in life, are depending on us how we want it to be. You want your piece of paper to be black, eventually it will be black.

Well, why are you here to mingle at the past? A real smart person knows that life goes on no matter what you've done in the past, you just can't change it anymore, can you? Since you know you can't, then what for you are there to think that you were stupid or being an @sshole or useless bf so on? You've already embarrassed her a lot, is there anything that you can do to turn back the time by delete the memory? Nothing that you can talk about it anymore, if you are really having a heart to patch back with her, I guess you should have know what to do by your heart. So, why still want to ask people?

Guys are normally very straight forward, it's not the matter you are afraid of something, or you dare not to do, but it's just depending on you want or you don't want.

+1

in fact in his previous thread i thought he came from the poor family with parents mortgaged everything they could to fund his education.. mana tahu it's the exact opposite

rare breed.. i never encountered ppl like TS before

TS is no different than Dubai.

8 years, that's a very long period for anyone to observe changes and at the same, correct the mistake.

Unfortunately, TS keep going at the same direction......8 years, not easy for the girl to take such a bold decision (to break).

I would cherish her a bit more after 8 years rather than completely bcome an a hole n do stg things..

I'm not in ur shoes so i cnt comment much..

Bt the gurl do deserve better~

Well, dont sound like you really love her a lot. Or should be, your love for her died down. Anyway, agree with chaihau, she does deserves better.

This shows that your EQ is actually not up to the level.

Yes, i agree with you that the rich and successful men are highly demanded as girls always seek for richer guy who can be depend on when she is tired of working life. as you said, buying house, car is definitely not an easy task for ladies.
but for TS case, his ex gf did not dependent on him, she got her own job but unfortunately the salary wasnt high. TS felt pity on her and thus recommended her a better job. this is what i meant by rely on him(unintentionally). her independence is shown when she stopped performing in KLCC after TS broke up with her.
no matter how independent or wealthy a woman is, when she is back at home, she is still a wife / mother, she needs a companion, needs love, needs support. and i think TS's ex gf has done what a girl should do, such as attending parties with him etc. the most touching part is, she had waited for him for years with the minimum communication between both of them. how many girls out there could do this? there is always a great woman behind a successful man. i think if TS's ex gf was not understanding enuf, he could not have done his PhD in 3 years, rite? since you said 2 capable people can provide a better home, dont you think TS has to tolerate / love her even more than before in return once he is back in Malaysia?but not keep listening to his dad who DOES NOT know anything!!

As a lady, i really don know why you just cant understand TS's ex gf feeling.

Yes, pumpkinn. I agree with you.

+1

all i can see is TS trying to rationalize his situation with excuses but did nothing to change his life. c'mon dude, your ex (based on your description) is a wonderful lady and its hard to believe you actually let her even trying hard enough to keep her. it's quite a one-sided r/ship commitment from her, cos all u did was trying to keep the r/ship by providing money, cards, facial treatment etc...

rmb, emotional support is what she was seeking. i will feel pity for your future gf if your perception on love remained as of now.

First time read such a nice love story from LYN's CC.
I am 17 but i will comment on ur topic. Maybe it will be kinda childish , but i hope it really helps you in ur future.

The greatest part is you guys can even met each other when u are going for studies other country, Its a rare chance that will met same country and going for study in a SAME Uni.
Thats fantastic for me.

Beside, you are hard working but you just fail in ur love.
Ur ignorance..

Maybe you are a tranditional minded, will recall ur parents words or what.


hmm, waiting to hear more about your story and if possible please post both of u and ur gf picture please, you have described her til very pretty .

good luck in ur future. And sorry about my CACAT engrisish~~

Dad is highly regarded in my life! He is a successful person, and has his own way to teach. Mind you, while I was kid, my elder sister could go party till 10pm, while as a son, I have to study at home after dinner, and no watching TV is allowed. Now, if you think he is a chinaman type, you were totally wrong. He merely have high expectation on me.

During the six months while I was in MY after completing my PhD, dad was very happy to have a son that people call "Dr.", but in the office, he would tell different story. You study PhD, but you know nothing about business, you failed miserably! And within that six months, he challenged me to do a business project. After six month, I didn't do very well, and not too bad either. Not only he wanted me to be a better person, but he wanted me to stay occupied so as not to main-main with girls around.

---

Added on November 30, 2009, 6:36 amYes, I realize now. Thanks.

While I was in MY, I spent 80% of my time with dad, the other 15% with seminar, talks and mum, while less than 5% with her.

Actually, I have tried to involve her in my activities. I always go swimming, golfing, sauna, and gym with Dad and his businessman friends. I spent about RM20,000 to get her a membership for Kelab Golf Diraja (on top of monthly fees no less than RM100) and also golf set.

The story continues.



At the Golf Club,

"You'll make it" I convinced.

She was holding a golf stick, trying to hit a ball into a hole tens of meters away.

I stood behind her, holding her hands, I repeated the mantra again for the countless times.

"Use strength from your hip, just see your hands and golf stick as pendulum, your hip twists, and the pendulum will hit the ball."

She hit.

"There you go, see, very simple.", as the ball flying through the air.

She tried herself next only to find that things get back to square one, swinging the golf stick in the air while the ball remained intact.

At the swimming pool,

I changed into swim trunk, and was waiting for her at the swimming pool when she inched towards me.

"Gosh!" I yelled, deep down. She was wearing a dark single piece swim suit.

"This is not a primary school swimming lesson, get a two-piece swim suit the next time, now get back and change to your normal dress."

We changed and went to the swimming pool.

"Next time, you two better get fast, people have been waiting. What did you two do, we are not going for party." Dad was referring to our wears.

"I'm sorry but she is not feeling well today, and I'm afraid I need to get her back."

Because she didn't really learn well, or may be interested with my activities, she seems to do fairly bad at times.

Yes, I agree, I was arrogant. I should find some times doing something that interests her rather than getting her to learn everything that I want her to do. Call me selfish.

---

Added on November 30, 2009, 6:45 amLife's not as simple as you think.

I'm in a position where there is no choice but to excel! High expectation from dad on a single son like me. If I were to act like what you have suggested, to think money is less prioritized, my dad would be very disappointed. I put myself in my dad's shoes. You don't make old dad unhappy, right? And, everyone has a single dad only. There is always tug of war between getting everyone happy.

Deep down, sometimes I yelled, "Could anyone understand my feelings? Who don't want to excel in both career and relationship?" And, sometimes, I'm just an intermediate in a tug of war between Dad and my GF, hope you see this.

---

Added on November 30, 2009, 6:48 amYes, she is independent and strong. While I was doing PhD in UK for three years, she DID NOT KNOW about my family background at all. That's why, as I hva said, she's not materialistic, in the least bit.

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Added on November 30, 2009, 6:50 amSweet talk was the most I could do at thousands of miles away. What would you suggest? I know talking about problems and personal life. What else other than these, any ideas?

---

Added on November 30, 2009, 6:51 amWhat make you think she's still with me?

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Added on November 30, 2009, 6:54 amI have been thinking that love story is boring. I never like love story movie, and if we go movie, it would be like action movie.

She seldom suggest any movie and I choose movie all the times.

I'm bad eh? OK, selfish me if you think I never understand her choice of movies.

---

Added on November 30, 2009, 6:57 amYou failed miserably! If you are interested in me, you should have find out who I am, that's what people have been preaching in this thread! Why ask question about me? You know I'm not kaki perempuan leh...

I know you were joking

---

Added on November 30, 2009, 7:05 amYour comments made me speechless...

I love her much, and I'm not sure if she would remain single or affected by the worst me in the past. I'm a responsible person, and if I had hurt her too much, and I should patch, then I think I should give it a go.

I have never seen her crying, and complaining me although now I realize the worst in me in the past. I yelled and scolded, but she never like 大小姐 or get into cold war. I now realize she tolerate me a lot.

---

Added on November 30, 2009, 7:13 amI was a bit abusive that time, and if not my dad advice, I would be making things worst. I was irate, and kept thinking "Who you are trying to kid, little girl! I'm weak?! I'm going to show how weak you are!"... "I'm winner! I'm strong and powerful!"

I'm have no idea how this inner beast of mine crept in. But, believe me, I did nothing wrong physically, that was just something that gone a bit far in my mind.

---

Added on November 30, 2009, 7:17 amYes, she gave me the biggest motivation. Actually that 5 minutes skype per week, most likely 2 minutes sweet talk, and 3 minutes her encouragement, from research to my research supervisor, examination, talks and seminars. Thinking back, I did not motivate her a lot. I thought my PhD was OUR GOAL, so she motivate me was rather common.

This post has been edited by theWinner: Nov 30 2009, 07:17 AM

So you chose your Dad/Career instead of her. It's amazing that she held on 8 years for you.
But now that it's over, there's no point moping over it. Focus on your Career, make your Dad proud.

It's the path you have chosen after all, no ? Why doubt yourself now when you are so close ?
Relationships can wait.

Also, sorry to say this but any 16 year old punk out there with no money or career is a better boyfriend than you.
At least they spend more time and actually care for their girlfriend's happiness, instead of trying to meet
a rich successful Dad's unrealistic expectations.

I just hope that you learned a little something from this 'experience'... calling 8 years of cherished memories with her
a 'failure' is simply unacceptable. You're indirectly calling her a 'failure', do you realize that ?

LOVE IS NOT SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO PROVE YOURSELF TO YOUR FATHER, DAMMIT.
IT'S NONE OF HIS FARKING BUSINESS. IN THE FUTURE, ASSUMING YOU DO FIND A NEW GF, JUST LOVE HER AND KEEP HER HAPPY, IS THAT REALLY SO HARD ????

This post has been edited by Priapuseros: Nov 30 2009, 08:57 AM

Does TS even know his ex was happy or unhappy during their r/s ?

I feel sad for TS's ex.

theWinner, while I pity your ex, I pity myself, too, as I have such a similar experience with your ex.

I understand that it's hardly to have win-win situation in relationship and family. But if there's a way, there's a will.

And, yeah, I wonder if you ever asked your ex that she's happy all these time while being with you.

Let's be brutally honest now, shall we ? I see no reason why I should hold back any longer.
Please keep in mind that I am saying this for your own good.

From the very beginning you already know, in the back of your mind, she's not good enough for your dad.

She had a to fake a 'stomach ache' to make you kiss her. And you still didn't understand that a woman needs to be cuddled lovingly,
it's not just about money, money, money, and proving yourself to your dad. How sad. I pity her.

Living in separate rooms as a couple ? What the fark is wrong with you, blindly following your Dad's whims like that ?
NO INTIMACY BEFORE MARRIAGE, HUH ?? There's a limit to being an obedient son, sometimes you have to go against man-made rules for your own happiness, dammit.

BE A MAN !!


You should have been more loving and caring. The real reason you're angry is not because she thinks you're weak. It's because you know deep down she made you violate one of your Dad's rule. Kissing is a big no-no, huh ? What a joke, buddy.


The only reason she 'loved' you was because you're rich. I'm sorry, but no girl would last 8 unloved years otherwise.
The only thing you can do right now is get over it and move on with your Research. I sincerely hope that your next relationship will be free from your Dad's interference and the 'Money' factor, or else you shall never find true love.

This post has been edited by Priapuseros: Nov 30 2009, 09:33 AM