Your reality is a dark one


You assume women get attracted based on looks like men do. Which is obviously, incorrect.


Qualities women are attracted to tend to take some knowing to establish, so how would they know they're attracted to you or not if you both haven't gotten to know each other? There's attraction, and there's also repulsion, but there's a middle ground that almost all of us start in and tend to be in for a very long time before it shifts to positive (attraction) or negative (repulsion).


So only start courting a person who's already attracted to you? Do you know how many girls go "you know I would never have thought I'd fall for a guy like my bf"? Only approaching girls which show interests in you is weak and a cowards way of living.

You never learn anything in life until you experience it first hand.

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Added on July 30, 2009, 8:59 pmJust ask her out, and be confident about it. Remember, you're inviting her out, not asking her permission to take her out. Big difference.

Believe in yourself and just march forwards.

This post has been edited by silverhawk: Jul 30 2009, 09:00 PM

[quote=silverhawk,Jul 30 2009, 08:57 PM]
You reality is a dark one
You assume women get attracted based on looks like men do. Which is obviously, incorrect.
Qualities women are attracted to tend to take some knowing to establish, so how would they know they're attracted to you or not if you both haven't gotten to know each other? There's attraction, and there's also repulsion, but there's a middle ground that almost all of us start in and tend to be in for a very long time before it shifts to positive (attraction) or negative (repulsion).
So only start courting a person who's already attracted to you? Do you know how many girls go "you know I would never have thought I'd fall for a guy like my bf"? Only approaching girls which show interests in you is weak and a cowards way of living.
You never learn anything in life until you experience it first hand.

that is what i'm thinking now, maybe i had done step 1-3 but maybe she just find me as a friend ?

Stop worrying what she thinks of you, that self doubt translates into every word and action you produce, and girls do not like guys who doubt themselves.

uh okay then i'm gonna ask her out next week... i was actually thinking of inviting her to my house that i'm gonna try some recipe, cause i made some nice dessert several times and bring it to my workplace and she loves it, but i dont know if inviting her to my place would be too quick or something u know

What do you plan to achieve by inviting her to your house? Can this objective be met in some other place?

try to win her heart by cooking something.? maybe it's too quick i should try and ask her for coffee or lunch 1st i guess

^ or it is the way of those who are lucky enough to be choosy in the game of love.

Always remember that reality is cruel. People settle for what is available to them. There are only so many hot girls. They are only so many hot guys. Everyone likes to tell themselves things that make them feel good about themselves.

Many guys, especially those who hook up towards the age of desperation (ie 35yo) also say "you know I would never have thought I'd fall for a girl like my gf".

At the end of the day, I believe that attractiveness plays a big role in love and relationships. You seem to think otherwise. There is no point in arguing further and it is better for us to agree to disagree.

Ok Mr Phuah, we're starting to argue about the same things in circles.

Hopefully one day we shall meet. I want to you ask some questions, but I never discuss anybody's personal life online, including mine. I've attempted to contact you on facebook but have yet received a reply.

Im going to stop here.

You got my facebook, tell me if I'm one of the "lucky" ones who get to be choosy.


Yourself included yes? Your words here reveal to me what you I've always criticised about your writing. You place a very heavy emphasis on looks, and have this conception that people "settle" for less because they can't get the best looking partner.


The girls I'm talking about aren't even in their mid 20s yet


No, we both agree that attractiveness is important. We disagree on what constitutes attractiveness.

Sorry, you should have PMed me here or something, I did tell you I don't check my facebook very often

This post has been edited by silverhawk: Jul 30 2009, 09:25 PM

and silverhawk, i want your opinion on this one, she never comment on my facebook but she will ask me about my status the other day or something when we met, does that mean she is doing the number 3 on me?

Get rid of your indecisiveness and start taking control of your life. There's nothing wrong with inviting her over, but if you're going to unsure of the reason, or even doubt yourself or have some hidden ulterior motive (i.e. insincere) its GOING TO SHOW unless you're a professional hustler/liar.

If you want to enjoy time with her, just ask her out to an amusement park or something. If you want to have a nice talk with her, chat over some drinks, whether its drinks at a coffee shop, mamak or even at a pub, it doesn't matter. If you want to make something nice for her, then just tell her that. "Hey, I've made a delicious new dessert and I want you to be the first to try it! come over and tell me what you think".

It doesn't matter what she thinks... stop second guessing yourself If she's asking about you, she could just be friendly, or she could be really interested, or simply trying to make conversation. Does it matter?? Its your job to make her interested in what you have to say after that.

okay okay thanks for the encouragement, i shall ask her out next week and uhm the reason of my undecisiveness is because she rejected me before last time when i asked her out for lunch, she replied me that she just broke up and not looking for any relationship.. but that was like 6 months ago

This post has been edited by dr3w: Jul 30 2009, 09:34 PM

wow.good luck for you there.

let us know how it goes..

sure, will do

can teach me how to let a guy know that i'm interested in him?

You are teh man. She is the one who is lucky to have you. Not the other way around.

Be confident.

All the best.

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Added on July 30, 2009, 11:08 pm^ Dude, the latest thread has little emphasis on looks per se.

As per your metaphor, I focused quite heavily on the driver rather than the car. Because you cant change the car... and I want my thread to be as politically correct as possible.

I do keep in mind however that physical attributes do play an important role. ie. It's very difficult for a guy to ask out a girl who is significantly taller than him.

Using the car analogy, you cannot race a kancil against a BMW M3.
...no matter how much the kancil driver tells himself that it's really about driving skill.

but the point is, it doesnt matter what class of car you are driving. Even Class C cars have the Sunday Cup!


You want to be the best you can be in the league you are in!

This post has been edited by ezralimm: Jul 30 2009, 11:17 PM

In the writing itself, no, but from the way you write its obvious.


Political correctness is over-rated. You want to make a point say it, don't dilute it with niceness till it loses its meaning.


Difficult, but not impossible.


Sure he can, he just needs to choose the right course Catch my drift?

Indeed, so you to know what league suits your strengths & weaknesses best.

That is your opinion.

I'll leave it to the others who read my thread to decide.

I maintain that i place APPROPRIATE/realistic emphasis on the role of physical attributes in love and dating.

My place or yours

4 simple words!

Actually, I have been thinking about a version for women. But it seems that the 5 steps work pretty well for a girl who's interested in a guy too... although, perhaps, step 2 could be replaced with "Laugh at all his jokes".