hi all..these are the confessions of my broken heart.

im 20 this year, studying in uni now. My life is simple, drive to uni, go to classes and come back home. I'm not really active in uni cause to go and come back takes almost an hour of driving.

As far as I would like my life to be this simple, its just not that simple. My father always scold me and bising since I was in secondary school. My father keep bising about my test results, although i'm in the 1st class. I still remember clearly in my mind, he scolded me STUPID cause i got 66 for Bahasa Malaysia during form 2. I just did badly in that test..bad luck that's all. Form 3 i drop class to 2nd class. 2nd class also ok what in my opinion what's so bad...Form 3 got one time he send me to school then he ask about my results, to him not good enough, I said that it wasn't so bad like he thinks it is, in the end i kena shout. Lucky reach school early nobody..almost cry. Parent's day that time, have to come and collect report card from teacher...I can see he is ashamed to come collect the card, he even said it indirectly.

PMR i got straight A but when enter form 4 it was my worst year fail many papers. Kena scold so much til forget details d. I work hard in form 5 and got not bad result... then enter uni now.

Like i said my life I wish it to be simple, go class and come back but don't know why today my father scold me for nothing. He said my CGPA so low although i got 3.0... I not active... rotting at home and stuff. Say I didn't read papers and don't know whats going on. But all that he said wasn't true, I did read the papers..and news through online. Then he keep blame me that it was my fault that I didn't get a scholarship..I wanted the scholarship so badly..I tried my best..and he said that I was lazy, didn't prepare for it. I just feel so bloody frust, I really tried my best, but he keep mentioning it. I fail the scholarship test so bloody frust he keep reminding me n say its my fault. I just feel sad, i've tried my best in things but what i get...scolding only. I study hard in school and many more..nobody sees. He scold me that because my result in uni so bad I cant apply for anything..he scold me that I didnt read papers that why I miss out on the application for public U although all along I thought that he said I finish my degree then go further studies overseas.

I just feel so suicidal now..i've always had suicidal thoughts..but what's keeping me alive now is my girlfriend..i love her so much..i don't want her to be sad if i die. If i'm gone she'll be sad..thinking bout it makes me cry. Some parents never appreciate their children...I'm a good kid, i dont do drugs, i dont do bad things or anything but i'm just not good enough I guess compared to my elder brother. I'm so torn apart right now..i just feel like driving my car into a tree..or into a river or something...

This post has been edited by sadness128: Mar 14 2010, 10:19 PM