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 Relationship Joke

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Sito
post Apr 14 2010, 07:41 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 12 2010, 09:06 PM)
Great Wife: Do you love me?
Husband: Yap.
Great Wife: What is "yap", what is your meaning?
Husband: Love!
Great Wife: Whom do you love?
Husband: You!
Great Wife: No! You better say it clearly.
Husband: Alright.
Great Wife: Hurry up, say quickly! If you do not say today, do not think of sleeping tonight.
Husband: I love you...
Great Wife: This is what you said willingly. I did not force you!
*
laugh.gif rclxm9.gif brows.gif
MyKy44
post Apr 14 2010, 09:34 PM

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From: klang
QUOTE(junnie87 @ Apr 14 2010, 03:14 AM)
A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw.

The husband terrified, screamed, 'Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?'

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, 'Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire.'
*
sounds so like SAW.. hahaha
keithmin
post Apr 15 2010, 01:40 PM

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MOM...CAN YOU BUY ME A BRA?
'Mum, can I ask you something?'
'Sure! What about?'
'You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper that I should own one.'
'And what is this 'one' you're referring to?'
'Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?'
'No.'
'But my nipples are already prominent and it catches attention.'
'Nope.'
'It will be just proper at my age...'
'I said no way...!'
'But all of my friends wear......!'
'David! How many times must I tell you that bras are for girls!?'


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHO SHOT THE BEAR?
An 80 year old man is having his annual check-up at his doctor's office.
He says to the doctor, 'I've never felt better in my whole life. In fact, I have a 20 year old

bride who's pregnant and having my child. What do you think of that?'

The doctor thinks for a second and then says, 'Let me tell you a story. I know this guy

who's an avid hunter. He never misses a hunting season. But one day he's in a hurry to

go hunting and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his rifle. So he's in the woods

and suddenly a giant grizzly bear appears out of nowhere. He raises his umbrella, points

at the bear, squeezes the handle and the bear drops dead in front of him. What do you

think of that?'
The old man says, 'That's impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear!'
'EXACTLY' says the doctor.
---------------------------------------------------------
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
A Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
'Say, Mom,' he asked, 'why is my big brother named Mighty Storm'?'
'Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.' she replied.
'Why is my sister named 'Corn Flower'?'
'Well,' his mother answered, 'Your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her.'
'And why is my other sister called 'Moon Child'?'
'We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived,' the mother replied.
The mother then asked the boy, 'Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are you so curious?'


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BIOLOGY LESSON
At a Biology class, the teacher asked the class:
'Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than guys?'
A student replied: 'That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down.'
Teacher: 'Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller than gals?'
Student: 'That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier than the guy's balls.

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Son: ' Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
_____________________________________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, N O MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever .
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor.

This post has been edited by keithmin: Apr 15 2010, 03:47 PM
Sito
post Apr 15 2010, 08:58 PM

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^wakaka//
violette
post Apr 21 2010, 12:48 AM

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the last post joke is reposttt >.<
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 22 2010, 12:54 AM

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Are You Stupid?


One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.

He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

"Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you’re a moron?" the professor asked.

The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself."
gregy
post Apr 22 2010, 03:03 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 22 2010, 12:54 AM)
Are You Stupid?
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.

He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

"Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you’re a moron?" the professor asked.

The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself."
*
Pwned. Serves these profs right, all high and mighty lol.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 23 2010, 01:26 AM

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Lesbia


Two drunken men are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "I can have any woman I want in here." The other guy looks around and spots a table with a lady sitting by herself. "Bet ya can't get that one."

"Why not?" asks the other. "Because she's a lesbian" laughs the other guy.

"Lesbian or no lesbian, that woman is mine." So he saunters on over to the table and the lady looks at him with disgust.

"Can I help you?" She replies.

"You sure can sweet thing. Tell me, what part of lesbia exactly are you from."
violette
post Apr 24 2010, 08:16 PM

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haha. its either he's too drunk or he's too stupid. doh.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 26 2010, 10:02 PM

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Great Wife: Get back home now. You go ahead.
Husband: How about you?
Great Wife: I'll go behind and you pull me up the staircase!

The next day

Great Wife: Now my turn to go in front.
Husband: Oh, that is good.
Great Wife: This time you push me up the staircase!
Freezefrost
post Apr 26 2010, 10:53 PM

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super lazy
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 29 2010, 12:20 AM

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Two elderly couple was lying in the bed.

"You used to hold my hands when we were in bed." said his wife.
Grudgingly the man held her hands for a few seconds.

"You used to kiss me good night before we slept." said the woman.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and turned away onto his side.

"You used to bite my ears before we made love." said the woman.
He jumped out of bed and walked towards the door.
"Where are you going?"

"To get my teeth."
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 1 2010, 12:47 PM

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What is the most common pregnancy craving?

For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 4 2010, 09:39 PM

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You Americans!


World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle agedlady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, Sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

"And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong b1tch out the window."

Freezefrost
post May 4 2010, 09:44 PM

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take gun and shoot
gregy
post May 4 2010, 11:15 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 4 2010, 09:39 PM)
You Americans!
World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle agedlady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, Sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

"And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong b1tch out the window."
*
Very good one hahaha!
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 5 2010, 11:14 PM

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Sex Education


Part of the reason some parents don't object to sex educations recently.


Parent : I do not want my girl to take the SEX EDUCATION class.

Teacher : Why not?

Parent : Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be oral!

-kytz-
post May 6 2010, 04:10 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 4 2010, 09:39 PM)
You Americans!
World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle agedlady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, Sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

"And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong b1tch out the window."
*
Took a bit of time to understand..Haha thumbup.gif


Added on May 6, 2010, 4:10 am
QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 5 2010, 11:14 PM)
Sex Education
Part of the reason some parents don't object to sex educations recently.
Parent : I do not want my girl to take the SEX EDUCATION class.

Teacher : Why not?

Parent : Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be oral!
*
LMAO!! rclxms.gif

Wait, shouldn't "practical exam" be much better? whistling.gif biggrin.gif

This post has been edited by -kytz-: May 6 2010, 04:11 AM
yscchan
post May 6 2010, 08:33 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 6 2010, 12:14 AM)
Sex Education
Part of the reason some parents don't object to sex educations recently.
Parent : I do not want my girl to take the SEX EDUCATION class.

Teacher : Why not?

Parent : Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be oral!
*
ORAL ?! muahahahaha
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 8 2010, 11:48 PM

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From: MSG Land


when Love Fades......


Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's' voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner my Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

She replied "You're having soup, *******. I was talking to the cat."

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