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gregy

Jul 3 2009, 12:13 AM

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Casual

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QUOTE(CrisisX @ Jul 2 2009, 10:13 PM)

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i'll definetely crash my car if i m hearing this live on the radio

Ya, this one I heard some time ago, but still a good rehash. Similar to the one with DJ Yasmin Yusuf and that Chinese lady who put talcum powder on her husband's eggs in the morning, you know that one? Just goes to prove, when it comes to sex women are just as horny, but they always try to maintain their dignity unless someone gets them to drop their guard.

This post has been edited by gregy: Jul 3 2009, 12:15 AM

aLittleMisfit

Jul 3 2009, 09:58 AM

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Honorary Life Misfit

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Love Thy Neighbor

The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return.

One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine.

Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell. When the model answered, the wife fumed,

"I would like to know why it is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."

"Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't helping none either."

abijiu

Jul 3 2009, 02:48 PM

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roflmao ....

suiteng

Jul 3 2009, 03:39 PM

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QUOTE(nelson_hew @ Jul 2 2009, 04:31 PM)

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And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!

I nearly fell off my chair.

aLittleMisfit

Jul 4 2009, 11:01 AM

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Friend of the bride

A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher.

"Are you a friend of the bride ?" he asked.

"Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."

bomberkenny

Jul 5 2009, 02:27 AM

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Gun Down your MOM!

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 4 2009, 12:01 PM)

Friend of the bride
A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher.

"Are you a friend of the bride ?" he asked.

"Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."

I don't get this 1

gregy

Jul 5 2009, 03:24 AM

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QUOTE(bomberkenny @ Jul 5 2009, 02:27 AM)

I don't get this 1

She's not friendly with the bride

If she were, she would have said, "No, I'm the groom's mother" instead of "Certainly not!"

This post has been edited by gregy: Jul 5 2009, 03:25 AM

lasthopez

Jul 5 2009, 03:09 PM

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lmao...

aLittleMisfit

Jul 7 2009, 01:30 PM

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A strange kind of robbery!

Jim had been out on the town with a dazzling blonde, and he was returning home as the rosy tints of dawn began to color the skies.

Marshaling all his inner resources, he managed an air of sobriety and dignity before the suspicious eye and wagging tongue of his wife.

Suddenly, as he was undressing, she punctuated her harangue with a sharp, gasping intake of air.
"Jimmy," she asked through titely clenched teeth, "Just where are your underwear ?"

Bleakly, Jimmy perceived through the fog in his mind, that his boxer shorts were indeed missing.

Just then, inspiration stuck. "My God !" he cried with aggrieved dismay. "I've been robbed !"

ayiesz

Jul 7 2009, 04:44 PM

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Selamat Hari Raya

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From: about:robots

Me: *on the phone* “Hello, **** Printing.”

Woman: “Yeah, I need to get something printed, and I just need to know if you can do it or not.”

Me: “That’s entirely possible, what is it you want to print?”

Woman: “Well, it’s something on a website.”

Me: “Hmm. Web-res graphics tend not to print well. You’ll want something at least 300 dpi. And web graphics are in RGB color, and we would need CMYK.”

Woman: “Oh. Well, if I show you the website, can you check?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(She sends me to this website and directs me to a banner ad.)

Me: “Uh, you mean this advertisement that’s flashing at the top of the screen?”

Woman: “Yeah, can you print that? Like 1,000 of them so I can hand them out?”

Me: “But it’s animated. Even if the quality was good enough to print, I could only print one still frame…it wouldn’t be moving.”

Woman: “Darn it! That’s what my boyfriend told me too! I just wanted to be sure.”

hizperion

Jul 7 2009, 05:07 PM

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Relentless Revolver

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From: United Subang Jaya Expire: Oct 2077

haha women

suiteng

Jul 7 2009, 05:16 PM

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The woman is actually smart, ask the guy to click on google adsense

aLittleMisfit

Jul 8 2009, 05:13 PM

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My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in fact "cheating" on her.

I asked my wife if she would ever do that.

She said, "Well, not so much to find out who the other woman was. But more to see if I could find out what she sees in you."

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Jul 8 2009, 05:15 PM

wackojacko

Jul 8 2009, 05:44 PM

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Getting Started

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 8 2009, 05:13 PM)

My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in fact "cheating" on her.

I asked my wife if she would ever do that.

She said, "Well, not so much to find out who the other woman was. But more to see if I could find out what she sees in you."

women always say that but neva mean it

aLittleMisfit

Jul 9 2009, 02:20 PM

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Marital Sex!

While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn't enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland.

Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: "What happened, did I hurt you?

" "Why no, not at all," said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you ask that ?"

"Well, no reason actually," the bored husband replied with a sigh, "It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actully moved."

wenjie86

Jul 9 2009, 02:30 PM

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Casual

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 9 2009, 03:20 PM)

Marital Sex!
While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn't enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland.

Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: "What happened, did I hurt you?

" "Why no, not at all," said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you ask that ?"

"Well, no reason actually," the bored husband replied with a sigh, "It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actully moved."

dont understand....

wackojacko

Jul 9 2009, 02:33 PM

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they are that bored in their sex life....time to buy some toys online

wenjie86

Jul 9 2009, 02:42 PM

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QUOTE(Crys_Crys @ Jun 17 2009, 02:56 PM)

yes yes i succeeded!!!!! yes yes!!! i finish from page 1 to 99!!!! =.="

nice jokessss!!

very funny.... ha ha ha

goodzilla

Jul 9 2009, 04:03 PM

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What Happens When You Fall In Love With
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An artist? (He gives you the brush.)
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.)

gregy

Jul 9 2009, 11:59 PM

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Hope you don't mind me adding on notti alternatives

QUOTE(goodzilla @ Jul 9 2009, 04:03 PM)

What Happens When You Fall In Love With
A chef? (You get buttered up.) He'll rise to the occasion
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.) He'll drive you wild and make sudden U-turns on Route 69
A gambler? (He cheats on you.) He won't wear a condom and hopes to withdraw in time
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.) He'll push all the right buttons
A trashman? (He dumps you.) He'll think your "down there" smells like roses every time
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.) He'll time his shots
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.) Ever heard of the "croissant position"?
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.) He'll size you up
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.) And take you up to dizzying heights
An artist? (He gives you the brush.) You'll be his "Moaner Lisa"
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.) He'll count your pulse after sex

This post has been edited by gregy: Jul 10 2009, 12:00 AM

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