Share out some jokes you've got from your friend's email and post it here. That will make those working in the office has a better day

Some old joke:

There was a Chinese lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed somehow to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.

The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store.......... so what did she do?

??

??

??

??

??

??

??

What are you thinking?

??

??

??

??

??

??

??

HellOOOooooooOOOooo, her husband speaks English!!

I just got this today :

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing
for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him on the seventh
day, resting. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a
deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the
clouds "Look Michael, look what I have made." Said God.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God' "and I've put life on it, I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.
"For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and
wealth, while South America is going to be poor. The Middle East over
there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've
placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of
black people." God continued pointing to different countries. "This one
will be extremely hot and this one extremely cold, and this one covered
in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a
small land mass and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's
Malaysia, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes,
rivers, streams and hills. The people from Malaysia are going to be
modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling
the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high
achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and
carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE! So if Malaysians are going
to be that great, you must've created some really corny people to balance them out"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm
putting right next to them. They're called Singaporeans!!"



no hard feelings for our southern neighbours its just a joke

Who wrote this joke ??

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"


*******************************************************

One woman called a toll-free line to ask how to install the batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the manual the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this stupid thing, and I'm not going to read the book."

*******************************************************

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

*******************************************************

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer "No..."

*******************************************************

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

*******************************************************

At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."
Customer: "What is that?"
Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."

Thanks for the laughter.

*Go dig out some old jokes....*

Definitely not a singaporean...haha

more dug out from my pc...enjoy..


A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.

The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."

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"Marketing 101"
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed". That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed". That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed". That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed". That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed". That's Brand Recognition.

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"The Honest Wife"
A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer. The following exchange took place.
The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gave his wife a dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight. "
Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks." (The man gave his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
The man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
The officer turned to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk."

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"An Honest Mistake"
A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. The husband was standing there, pulling up his pants, and said, "I think she choked."

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"The Infant-Sized Penis"
Jim decided to propose to Sandy. But prior to her acceptance, Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts the maturity of a 12 year old's.
He stated that it was okay, because he loved her so much. However, Jim felt this was the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said, "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant's, and I hope you can deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes. I will marry you and learn to live with your infant- sized penis." Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Jim rushed Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, and holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant's!"
"It is . . . 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches!"

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measurement
On returning from battle in the Falkland Islands, 3 soldiers are asked to report to their commander. The commander states that because of services rendered the army will pay each soldier a sum of £100 pound per inch on their bodies, from one point to another of their choice. The commander asks the first soldier, a special forces commando, how he can measure him up. "I'll have the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, sahr!" replies the man of war. "Excellent," says the commander, that's "70 inches, so here's £7000." Secondly a marine states that he will have the tip of one arm outstretched measured to the other outstretched. "Excellent," replies the commander after measuring the marine, "75 inches, so that's £7500." Thirdly he asks the explosives expert. "I'll have measured the tip of my d*** to he end of my balls sahr!" The commander is a little taken aback by this but agrees, and after several seconds down in the private's privates he snaps back up saying "Where in Christ are your balls soldier?!" The soldier smiles at him and says "Falkland Islands sahr!"

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JJJ
It seems that there were twin brothers by the name of Jones, John and Joe. John was married and Joe was single. Joe was the proud owner of a dilapidated boat. It so happened that Joe's boat sank on the same day that John's wife died.
A few days later a kindly old lady met Joe on the street, and mistaking him for John said:" I was sorry to hear of your great loss, and you must feel terrible." Joe replied; " Well, I am not a bit sorry. She was a rotten old thing from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up, and she smelled of old fish. The first time I got into her she made water faster that anything I ever saw. She had a crack and a pretty big hole in front that kept getting bigger and bigger every time that I used her. It got so I could handle her all right, but when someone else was using her she leaked like anything. This is what finished her off: Four guys from the other side of town came down looking for a good time. They asked if I could rent her to them. I warned them that she wasn't so hot, but the crazy fools all tried to get into her at the same time. It was too much for her and she cracked right up the middle! " THE OLD LADY FAINTED.

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Deaf sex
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. "The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis ... fifty times"
Penis

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One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'PENIS' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word 'PENIS' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

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Wife
Late at night this guy runs into a pub and demands a glass of water from the landlord. The guy drinks it in one gulp then asks for a second glass. Six pints later, and he has recovered enough to speak. "Thanks," he croaks. "That's one hell of a thirst you've got," says the landlord.

The guy says: "Any man would be as bad if they'd just had sex with the woman in my car. She's insatiable. She wants me to go right back out there and do it all again, but I can't." "Where's your car?" the landlord asks. "At the roadside," the guy gasps.

"Tell you what," says the landlord, "you watch the bar for me while I nip out and take your place." "Be my guest," the guy says. So the landlord goes outside and gets in the car. It's totally dark, so the woman doesn't realize she's with a different man. And they get right down to it, humping away.

Five minutes later there's a knock on the window. It's a cop, and he shines his flashlight on the naked couple. "What's going on here?" he asks. "It's all right, officer," explains the landlord, "She's my wife." The officer replies apologetically, "Oh, sorry sir, I didn't realize."

Look at the woman the landlord says, "Neither did I till you switched on that damned light."

Below are four (4) questions.
You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready?

GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question: You are participating in a race. You
overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer:
If you answered that you are first, then you
are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second
person and you take his place, you are second!


Try not to mess up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer:
If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?

You're not very good at this are you?

Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth?
Answer:
Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again.

haha, good jokes....thanks...

www.funny.com

The First Affair

There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful blonde
teenaged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they
always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine
months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to
the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see
the ugliest child he has ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the
father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around
on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time.

*******************************************
The Second Affair

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the
dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.

As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated,
he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever
seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off
to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be
saved for posterity."

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's
schlong.

The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The
first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you
won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh my god!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

*******************************************

The Third Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner."

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with
talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered.

"Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly.

"The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one
for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night
when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the
kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot
at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of
water."

somemore i got in the mail...

Ah Seng wants to make love with Ah Lian but he is afraid that Ah Lian will get pregnant, so he approaches his friend Ah Beng for advice. Ah Beng said "Aiya, very easy one lah. Nah, take this packet of condoms and follow the instructions, nothing will happen one." So Ah Seng takes the condom and at night makes love with Ah Lian. Two months later, Ah Seng comes to look for Ah Beng and tells him that Ah Lian is pregnant.
"Cannot be what, did you follow the instructions or not?" asks Ah Beng.
"Na -bei! Got lah. The box says "Stretch the condom over organ before intercourse, I got no organ, so I stretch it over my piano loh."

=======================================================

Ah Beng to a long-distance telephone operator:
"Could you please tell me the time difference between
Taipei and Las Vegas?"
Operator: "Just a minute......"
Ah Beng: "Thank You," and puts down the phone.

=======================================================

At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells
the bartender," JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." and his
companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks," AND YOU,
SIR?"
Ah Beng replies:" Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

=======================================================

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on
quite for some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the
finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY FIVE MONTHS TO DO IT," Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG," the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL."
Ah Beng replies," NO LAH, SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN
FOR 4-7YRS, LEH!"

=======================================================

Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt
Competition. During the Q&A segment, the host asks,
"Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."
The crowd shouts, "Gin! Gin!"
Others exclaim, "No it's Grape Juice!"
Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"
Host: "Quiet please."
Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before
replying, "C'mon man, you think I need your help? I
got more original answer: Guni!"(cow milk in Hokkien).

=======================================================

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using
it when he encountered some problems. He decided to
use the 'Help' command.
After some tries, he became irritated and called the
computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng:" I pressed the 'F1' key for help...but it's
been over half an hour and still nobody has came to
help me???"
Computer Retailer:...............

=======================================================

In an English class:
Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"
Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother."
Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"
Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents mean cowboy's father
and mother. Also can say
Cowboy's father is Cow Pay and Cowboy's mother is Cow
Boo. So together we say Cow Pay Cow Boo (KPKB)."
Teacher fainted...............

=======================================================

Ah Beng with his two red ears went to his doctor. The
doctor asked him what happened to his ears and he
answered," I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring
loh but instead of picking up the phone, I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my
ear. So kena loh!" "Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in
disbelief. "But...what happen to the other ear?"
"Aiyah! That stoooopid dumbo called back!"

=======================================================

Ah Beng and Ah Seng rent a boat and fish in a lake
everyday.
One day, they caught 30 fishes.
Ah Beng said to Ah Seng," Mark this spot so that we
can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat,
Ah Beng asked Ah Seng," Did you mark that spot?" Ah
Seng replied," Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of
the boat,"
Ah Beng said," You stupid fool! What if we don't get
that same boat today !?!?"

=======================================================

Ah Beng and Ah Seng exited and locked the car in a
hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was in the
ignition. Realizing the mistake, Ah Beng asked," Why
don't we get a coat hanger to open it?"
"No, that won't work," answered Ah Seng." People might
think we're trying to break in."
Then Ah Beng suggested," What if we use a pocket knife
to cut the rubber, then stuck a finger in and pull up
the lock?"
"No," said Ah Seng. "People will think we're too dumb
to use a coat hanger."
The "kan cheong" Ah Beng shouted," We better think of
something fast. It's staring to rain and the sunroof
is open!!!"

=======================================================

Ah Beng serving his NS overseas and far from home, was
annoyed and upset when his girl Ah Lian wrote breaking
off their engagement and asking for her photograph
back. He went out and collected from his friends all
the unwanted photographs of women that he could find,
bundled them all together and sent them to her with a
note stating the following:
"Regret cannot remember which one is
you...............
please keep your photo and return the others."

=======================================================

Once Ah Beng , Ah Seng and Ah Lian went for dinner at
the Compass Rose at the top of the Westin Stamford .
After dinner, they went to the lift scanned the
buttons and couldn't find the button for the first
floor. Ah Beng suggested taking the stairs but Ah Lian
decided to press the lift button "G". They found
themselves on the first ground and Ah Beng remarked,
"Wah, you so smart, ah. How did you know this was
ground floor?" Ah Lian replied ," Aiyah so simple you
also dunno! G: stands for gero loh!"

=======================================================

One evening, Ah Beng and Ah Lian went to a lounge and
requested the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Lo
Ti" (Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them they only
played English songs and asked them to request another
song. They were upset and complained to the manager
that the DJ was insulting them. After many hours of
calming them down, the manager found out they were
actually requesting the Righteous Brothers song,
"Unchained Melody".

=======================================================

Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a hawker centre. Ah Seng
noticed the hygiene grades issued by the Ministry of
Health pasted at each stall and asked Ah Beng, "Eh,
the 'A', 'B', 'C' and 'D' stand for what ah?" Ah Beng
snorted and said, "Aiyah, this sort of thing you also
dunno! 'D' stand for 'delicious', 'C' stand for 'can
eat', 'B' stand for 'buay sai' (cannot) and 'A' stand
for 'Alamak'!"

=======================================================

Long time ago, a rich Singapore tycoon wanted to know
how happy a man could be if he was given one wish. He
paid three people to test out his experiment. The
rules were:
1. Each person could only have one wish.
2. They will be left on a deserted island for 30
years.
3. Food, but not liquor would be provided.
The first contestant, Billy Clinton (USA) asked for 30
prettiest PLAYBOY centerfolds: "So I can make the most
beautiful babies in the world."
The second contestant, Jon Major (UK) said, "I want 30
years' supply of booze."
The last contestant, Ah Beng (Singapore) said, "I want
30 years' supply of Saa-lim (Salem) cigarettes so I
can smoke until I song-song."
30 years later, the three contestants came back for a
press conference. Billy had with him 200 children and
30 estranged women. He remarked, "It has been a long
sexual experience for me and was wondering whether
anyone care to buy a child. I will even throw in the
mother for free!" Jon, hanging on to a bottle of beer,
was suffering from a hangover but he managed to utter
these words. "God save the Beer! The Queen can drink
seawater." The last contestant, Ah Beng, hugging onto
cartons of Salem shouted, "Ni na
beh! Buay kee gia lighter!!!" (@#$*! Forgot to bring
lighter!)

=======================================================

Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What
happened was some idiot was trying to show off and
declared that he could swim across the Singapore
River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before
he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic
and started to shout for help. Being typical
Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and
yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor
chap. Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned
to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate
attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear
that this hero couldn't swim! Luckily a tongkang
filled with tourists was passing by and the operator
saw the incident and picked both men from the water.
The crowd cheered! Back on shore, the crowd cheered
again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady
lah!" and "Awright, man!" were among any
congratulations shouted. Ah Beng looked angry and
shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who
pushed me into the water?")

=======================================================

Ah Beng joined a quiz show and was asked to a name
three fruits whose names begin with "A". Ah Beng
immediately said "Apple...Apricot..." then he was stumped.
After a while, he finally shouted triumphantly, "Ang
Mor Tan!"

=======================================================

Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if he
should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

=======================================================

How do you make Ah Beng laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

=======================================================

"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Ah Beng looked skyward and said, "Where, where got?"

=======================================================

Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

Recently, there has been a spate of mergers, RHB and Sime Bank,etc. Rumours in the market have it that Lam Soon Huat and Parkson plan to merge - The proposed new name for the company is, you have guessed it-

"LamPar".

However, it is suspected that KLSE will object to this, since it would be
deemed not proper for lady brokers and remisiers to transact LP shares on
behalf of their male clients. Moreover, Lam Par name seems very crude and it
means scrotum in Hokkien

examples :

The people : " How much is Lam Par now?", " I want to sell Lam Par at 60
cents."

The male broker : " How much do you want to buy Lam Par?"

The female broker : " Lam Par, 60 cents, sold!"

The newspaper : "Good management lifts Lam Par.", "Lam Par drop again.",
"Lam Par suspended.", "Plunging Lam Par needs Viagra", "Lam Par is being
squeezed out as market leader."

The employees : "We are Lam Par employees."

The interviewer : "Mr. Wu, you have written in your resume that your last
company was ...er... Lam Par. Did they treat you so badly that you have to
put in an abusive term for them?"

Share buyer was heard doing a transaction with his remisier over the
handphone inside the LRT.

Buyer : " Hey, Mr.Tan buy for me Lam Par... Nor Liap. (Literally it means:
Buy for me 2 lots of Lam Par shares)

Remisier: " I can't hear you, buy order louder."

Buyer (very loud): "Lam Par lah.... Nor Liap...OK?"

All the commuters : Stunned, especially the ladies.

After receiving long complaints from many female remisiers, the "Lam Par"
shareholders decide to do something to their "Lam Par"...They sit down
together and brainstorm for the new name...After going through many days of discussion and arguments, finally Parkson agrees to inject more capital and everyone agrees to the new name : "Par Lam"

When SC receives the request to change name, he asks: "Hey, what is the
difference? Lam Par Par Lam...."

wahhaaha nice ah beng jokes hehe

heres something i got:

Bob composition : Part 3

got this from emel ..think its kinda funny so post here anyone need traslation pls say so

========================================================

> > pade satu hari, ade seko babi. die ade seko kawan baik yang bernama
> > badak...
> >
> > Pada satu ari, babi itu meminta rakannya melukis gambarnya.Badak
pon
> > menggunakan segala kekreatifan yang ada padanye utk. melukis gambar
> > kawannye
> > itu....
> > Apabila lukisan itu siap,badak pun menyerahkan lukisan itu kpd
babi
> itu.
> > Selepas
> > memerhati lukisan tu,dengan sepantas kilat sang babi itu memst here anyone need traslation pls say so

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> > pade satu hari, ade seko babi. die ade seko kawan baik yang bernama
> > badak...
> >
> > Pada satu ari, babi itu meminta rakannya melukis gambarnya.Badak
pon
> > menggunakan segala kekreatifan yang ada padanye utk. melukis gambar
> > kawannye
> > itu....
> > Apabila lukisan itu siap,badak pun menyerahkan lukisan itu kpd
babi
> itu.
> > Selepas
> > memerhati lukisan tu,dengan sepantas kilat sang babi itu memberi
satu
> > flying
> > kick kat badak .... kesian badak terselit kat celah batu tempat dia
> > melukis
> > kawan nya tu..... lalu babi tu berkata "lagi sekali ko lukis gambar
aku
> > macam babi, aku bunuh ko".

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hehe

Gua tala paham

lol

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