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 Relationship Joke v2

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TSaLittleMisfit
post Oct 29 2010, 01:01 PM, updated 7y ago

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Welcome to version 2

Version 1:
http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/398704

------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A bloke goes to the doctor and says. "I got this sex problem doc."
The doctor asked, "Ok, tell me about your average day."
"Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up at 3am for nookie and then again at 5 so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work."

"Oh I see", says the doc. "No, hang on". said the man." .... you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl everyday and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No you dont" said our hero, "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No no you dont" he said"
When I go lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm really fond of and we nip out for a quickie."

"Now I understand", says the patient doctor, "No, hang on" said the bloke. "When I get back to office, my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll sack me."


"Ahh...", said the doctors, "now I see..." "No, there's more", said the man, "when I get home, my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and sex again afterwards."

"So, whats your problem then?" ask the doc.

"Well....", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Oct 29 2010, 02:22 PM
humanfly
post Oct 29 2010, 01:06 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Oct 29 2010, 01:01 PM)
A bloke goes to the doctor and says. "I got this sex problem doc."
The doctor asked, "Ok, tell me about your average day."
"Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up at 3am for nookie and then again at 5 so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work."

"Oh I see", says the doc. "No, hang on". said the man." .... you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl everyday and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No you dont" said our hero, "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No no you dont" he said"
When I go lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm really fond of and we nip out for a quickie."

"Now I understand", says the patient doctor, "No, hang on" said the bloke. "When I get back to office, my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll sack me."
"Ahh...", said the doctors, "now I see..." "No, there's more", said the man, "when I get home, my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and sex again afterwards."

"So, whats your problem then?" ask the doc.

"Well....", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"
*
why need to masturbate if he is having sex all day ??
pkiensing
post Oct 29 2010, 01:11 PM

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QUOTE(humanfly @ Oct 29 2010, 01:06 PM)
why need to masturbate if he is having sex all day ??
*
he miss the private time with his own hand
hizperion
post Oct 29 2010, 02:25 PM

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yeahhhh V2
lets keep it up with non-repoasta relationship jokes!



Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about vaigras?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

This post has been edited by hizperion: Oct 29 2010, 02:28 PM
laica
post Oct 29 2010, 02:41 PM

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bravo for V2 smile.gif

great job aLittleMisFit
TSaLittleMisfit
post Oct 29 2010, 03:05 PM

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My wife told me she's going out and getting pissed tonight. I said, "Way-hay! Blowjob for me tonight then!"

"No, you have to stay in and look after the weekly maids work," she said.

"Exactly." I replied.
Shadow Kun
post Oct 29 2010, 03:24 PM

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woohooo v2!
hizperion
post Oct 29 2010, 03:24 PM

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The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said. "That was when mommy came to work for us?
laica
post Oct 29 2010, 06:22 PM

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new thread so i contribute also la

QUOTE
  A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up
ahead of  him and went to her and said, "Can you please help me, I don't
know what hole I'm on." She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7;
you're on 6."  He thanked her and continued playing golf.

      Later he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again
kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can
you please tell me what hole I'm on." She told him "you are one hole behind
me. I'm on 14; you are on 13."
      Again he thanked her and continued playing golf. when he finished he
saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a
drink for helping him out. She accepted.
      As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a
living.
      "I'm in sales." He replied, "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"
She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know
what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He
promised.

      She said, "I sell WHISPER (Sanitary Napkins)" . He immediately fell
to the floor laughing hysterically. She said, "You promised you wouldn't
laugh".

      He replied, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet
paper........I'm still one hole behind you."




-SNSD-Fan-
post Oct 29 2010, 07:10 PM

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Whoa sudah V2,

thumbs up thumbs up! Keep up the good jokes

Anyway, here's a joke:

QUOTE
Bad News: Your wife is not talking to you.
Even Bad News: She wants a divorce.
Worst News Ever: She is a lawyer.


This post has been edited by -SNSD-Fan-: Oct 29 2010, 07:23 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Oct 29 2010, 11:30 PM

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i know this is not a relationship joke... but post too...

Go onto google maps
Get directions from japan to china
Look at instruction 43..

Now tell me that isnt cool!


gregy
post Oct 30 2010, 01:41 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Oct 29 2010, 11:30 PM)
i know this is not a relationship joke... but post too...

Go onto google maps
Get directions from japan to china
Look at instruction 43..

Now tell me that isnt cool!
*
Well I tried it and it says on 43: "Continue straight". Well funny in a way cos you can't really go straight across all terrains.

Then I saw 42: "Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean". I think this is funnier lol...
MyKy44
post Oct 31 2010, 12:27 AM

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last time it was KAYAK across the pacific ocean man..... hgahaha
hizperion
post Oct 31 2010, 12:45 AM

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i got canoe across pacific ocean last time lol

-------------------------------------

Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.

This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 1 2010, 09:11 AM

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I have two rich sexy lesbian close friends and for my birthday they got me a Rolex.

Its great at telling the time but i don't think they understood what I meant when i said

"I wanted to watch!"
-SNSD-Fan-
post Nov 1 2010, 10:05 AM

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QUOTE(gregy @ Oct 30 2010, 01:41 AM)
Well I tried it and it says on 43: "Continue straight". Well funny in a way cos you can't really go straight across all terrains.

Then I saw 42: "Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean". I think this is funnier lol...
*
Last time 43 is jet ski across the ocean.
You are supposed to see that on 43, maybe changed number liao
CrisisX
post Nov 1 2010, 02:15 PM

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for me:
43. Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean 782 km

and yes it's damn cool
don^don
post Nov 1 2010, 02:52 PM

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this thread (and the last one) freaking need a 'like' button!!!
stenut
post Nov 2 2010, 10:32 AM

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why not u guys try getting directions from taiwan to china, and look at instruction 24...that's even awesome LOL
hizperion
post Nov 2 2010, 10:43 AM

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Unusual Funeral

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her
morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession
approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long
black hearse about 50 feet behind the
first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary
woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance
back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman was so curious that she respectfully
approached the woman walking the dog and said,
"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a
bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this.
Whose
funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was
trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

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