Recently, a fren of mind encounter a problem. She and her bf decided to get married by next yr, so they have been having sex a few times d but my fren does not really enjoy it. She feel uncomfortable and she said its painful for her bcoz of it.

So, she's been giving excuses and tried to avoid from having sex coz even after she told him the problem, he still insist. Now her bf did not push my fren anymore, but he also did not tok to her. Did not touch her anymore, not even hold her hand!!! he basically just ignore my fren. Not just ignore, he totally pretend as if she's not there!!!! FYI, they're living together and both parents also know about their relationship and the suppose to be coming soon marriage(i dont really know if marriage will take place anymore anot) so their relationship is very very much a serious 1.

haiz....i did not know how i can comfort my fren but i personally disgusted at that guy. I wanna ask my fren to dump him straight out but then i just dun wan push my own opinion on her. Pls give ur opinion on this so i can tell my fren about it.

aiya... 1st voter

Pity......another girl in delemma becoz of stupid guy.

Guy: u dont give me sex, i dont give u love.
Girl : Is it sex = love?

Me : NO

I vote "Yes".

Sex should be enjoy by both partner. I think the guy did not perform very well.

Since they're going to get married, why cant he wait?
How long have they been together?

maybe he dun have techniques, having passion to learn

i think they have been together for more then 1 yrs coz the first time i heard her tok of him is when she went to Thailand for holiday wif his whole family

I think to save them, they need the help of counsellor... or somebody to help them talk and unwind and understand each other more into this sex thing. BTW, I'm serious and I'm not joking

will there be any difference even after they get married? i'm sure he will ignore her as well. so its better to happen now.

i dont think its about technique or wat so ever. i think there r still some ppl out there that dislike sex.

Last week i read from the Star about a married woman in Singapore who ask the court to restrict her husband from having any sex wif her. Coz now she got a baby coz her husband "rape" her while she's asleep . She said that she's still very much in love wif her husband but does not wish to have sex wif him coz its painful for her.

When i first read about that article i feel very funny about it. But then i'm not too sure anymore

1 year decide to marry?
Maybe its the guy just trying to "get" her....and now after few times she doesnt give him....


Yeah....should do that..
The guy wants sex more than wants to marry her


Well...i guess if they're married atleast she wont reject...

Sex is important.

I think your friend hurted her fiancee feeling liao lar. What would a guy think when his fiancee denied him sex or tell him 'having sex with you is painful'. I dont think many guys like to hear that.

How many guys or gal hit it right when they are both first timer? It takes probably 5 or more tries just to get comfortable position. It takes even longer to experience whats feel best.

There's nothing that hurt a guy feeling more than being told you aint performing on bed. The best way to settle sex problem is by having sex. If your friend feel pain, must be lack of foreplay. Just use some lubricant lar or tell your friend to warm herself up first.

erm......do u know where can i get counsellor?? coz i have no idea at all. I can get my fren to go but i dunno bout her bf on this part.

Wait till the pain is gone then you she'll how important sex is. Then maybe she wants it more than the guy.

I believe all girls dislike sex at 1st...coz they're still tight...
After that they wont reject

I have alot of candidates for cousellor post....
But they're all from church

Your friend wanna talk with them?

hhmm.......i dont think after marriage will sure no reject. My fren is the kind that very thick head. She hav a mind of her on. You cant just get her to do something else when she already decided

what happen if the couple divorce?

LOL... thick head or not doesnt matter....
Once she get good sex, she would never forget it...
Demand only gets better from there...

Neah i bet she wont reject so much...

But that back to one point..
The guy wants her or just wants SEX ?

Yeah, sex needs practice.. The first time is not gonna be perfect.. Dont follow the movies... Let say the girl dump the guy, she still have to learn the techniques of good sex.. Maybe she didnt have enough foreplay.. =P

My fren is a Christian so i think it will be very good. I dunno if my fren wanna tok wif them anot but i definately will try and get my fren to tok to 1 since she's now abit afraid of ppl liao.

The wife need to talk to the husband and discuss the true reason wy she doesnt enjoy sex :

Possible reason
a) The Husband makes no effort to please the wife during sex and only serves to please himself.
>> This could be an unexperienced husband and he might not know that he is not making his wife happy this way.

b) The Wife is not comfortable with sex before marriage.

c) Their relationship is already facing problems before hand and they thought that marriage/sex will solve it for them and make them closer.
The actual result falls short of expectations and so this issue crops up.

talk to a counsellor they can help you.Marriage is not a date or a relationship, marriage is serious and it is meant for people who want to spend their life together thru thick n thin.

i'm also pondering on that question myself

well it is painful coz mebe too much frictions.. try use lubricant lo next time..
if first timer then sure pain wan ma.. not get used to it yet and it is still tight. tell ur fren to endure it a few times lor and try to enjoy it. after a few times, she'll carve for it.. lol... just jk.. she should be ok afew times.. i personally feel that if a person really loves another person, even their sex life is ruin, they will still luv each other. but it'll affect their luv life a bit lar.. having sex is just a way to deepen the luv and tighter the bond between couples and of coz to have baby... so if dunwan sex then just find another way to hold this relationship. there are thousands and 1 ways to do so. i think i better tell ur fren to discuss the matter with her future husband.. and for this kind of guy, i think he might have isteri simpanan if they get married and his sex life is ruin. just my 2cents...

Well if your friend wanna see them, just PM me...

Its better if both of them attend together..

anyone know any counselor who is reliable and hav to be woman . Can give me her number?? I wish to ask my fren to call a counsellor but i just dunno where to find 1.

Tha basic is sex drives man to get a woman. Btw, always remember that forummer opinions shouldn't take as an advice.

I dont know why ppl seperate love n sex when they should be together. They already been for a year. Guys who just wanna look for sex goes to pub/disco looks for easy catch. Some just went to brothels. Its not easy being together with someone you dont have feeling for a year.

Tell your friend go n read some sex guide. If her fiancee haf no idea how to please her, she can guide him. Reject him isnt the best solution to this matter. Your friend handle it the wrong way.

I am surprised there are people who voted NO. how old are you people who voted NO? if you are an adult, you really need to seek professional help because it is unhealthy. and to those people who want to argue that monks and priests don't have sex, the key word is ABSTINENCE. they didn't say it is not important and they didn't say they don't have the urge but dedicated practicse of their religions calls for them to exercise self-control and TO ABSTAIN. some of them lose control too once in a while and that's when you see cases of children and orphans placed under their care being sexually abused. sorry for digressing but I just want to stress the fact that sex is part and parcel of BEING HUMAN.

erm.. I'm also a Christian... but maybe a very open minded one . I assume both your friend and fiance are Christians? Well... actually... from religious point of view... I guess they'll be told no premarital sex the point is.. still haven't married. but from professional's point of view... try to get more info about that counsellor first. at least.. there's a counsellor, but make sure it's a proper experience one. you can try ask our fellow LYN forumer for help all the best and wish your friend and her fiance a happy wedding in the end

Remeber one thing....
Christianity says no to pre-marital sex..

And premarital sex is wrong to me...but aint to u...
I'd say your quote "your friend handle it the wrong way" is wrong for me....
But its correct at your point of view...

quireyuyue give me your friend's number....i will ask my friend to call her.

Yaya, agreed... Why everytime blame a guy when a relationship gone wrong bcoz of the S word... Girls play a role too..

Humans need to eat inorder to sustain life.
But humans doesnt needs to eat when they're still full...
If they eat, they would get sick or get fat.

Tell me u understand my story.

wrong in what sense? there is nothing inherently wrong with sex. Sex is biologically and physically right. there is no wrong. marriage is a concept created by human society. marriage is not absolute. your sense that premarital sex is wrong stems from your religious belief and ethical values. it is ETHICALLY WRONG in your book but don't make a blanket statement that pre-marital sex is simply wrong.

well will u stay wif your gf or even marry her if she told u, u cannot have sex together??? Lots of guys just walk out of a relationship just bcoz girls say no. While lots of girls just totally ok w/o sex but guys.........

I understand your story but it is up to the individual to decide when he is full. you may think that person is getting fatter because he is already full in your book or is eating more than you but that person could still be hungry while you are not but we can all certainly agree WE ALL NEED TO EAT. I hope you understand my story too.

hey. we can now practice astinence for the rest of our lives already, thanks to in vitro fertilization. no need to have sexual intercourse to have children. more karma points added, more tickets to heaven. yay

http://www.ivf.com/ivffaq.html

thanx, i'm also hoping for the best for her

last time i read a news, saying tat a new couple are not enjoying while they r having sex..
the wife feel pain everything her husband have sex with her..
so they both went to see doctor, finally they found out the reason, reason why she feel so much pain..
is becuz the husband went in the wrong hole

Christian or not, does it matter now? Right or wrong does it matter now?
What happened cant be turned back. Whether christian allows or doesnt allows pre-marital sex is totally not related. The couple is having a face-off becos they are not having pleasure in sex and one thing lead to another which end in a stalemate. The starting point of this stalemate is becos the gal complaint about the guys ability on bed. Thats definately not something you can convince someone using speech alone. It still haunt the guy. He's eager to prove it that he can do it.

I dont think the guy wanna hear anything not having pre-marital sex or whatsoever related to it. All he's eager to do now is to prove that he excel on bed too.

I think the gal should c doctor for some advise..I think mostly gals do like having sex wert....

that's the problem with SOME guys, they are not gentle and understanding enough about women's feeling...sigh

I get your point..

U need sex, not wife

Painful sex? It's a medical condition,albeit sometimes exaggerated. Seek counselling and do go for a hospital checkup. I see no reason why sex should be avoided for life.

LOL..
Why you love to seperate sex with everything?
Try see a bigger picture lar..

I think wat lAh0S saying is true...
He's the onli 1 giving a sound advice.
The 1 important thing we're forgotting here is EGO!
I dun noe the guy mentioned, but there r a lot of guys tat hav a big ego.
so, in other words... not performing well i bed, being rejected by his soul mate, etc.
I think it all really depends on how they(the couple) communicate, n try 2 find a solution...
So, if its safe to assume, i guess things got hot when they're trying to reason, so it bcomes an argument. Things tend to b like this.

I think i'm Bul!sh!tting here. but the advice is the same everytime.
Sex is about 2 souls bonding, so its hard 4 a 3rd party 2 intervene o teach so 2 say... except they r into 3sum o 4sum o exhibitionism...
Communicate, Cherish, Forgive n Forget.

Juz my 2 centz...

PS. Dun flame me~~
lol

well.. 4 my opinion.. both of them should sit down and talk first, i mean tell each other wat r they thinking and... try to over come this problem. coz personally if the person living wit u itself ignore u means, itz realy hurtz...

well... i think itz not a big matter here... dun be ego lo....
try to show some Love.... He will understand ur frenz feeling ok.
If the situation is still the same means.... they better Broke it lo...

Who separated sex from everything? ~_~
Au contraire, why stay in a relationship that's incomplete?
Why did the Singaporean woman still love her husband even if she knows their relationship cannot be complete?

That is sad, the woman will not enjoy a full sex life.